Hi,
Lately everything is seeming to be getting to me, I have been with my partner for 6 years and we share a beautiful 4 year old daughter and our gorgeous 14 week old son I love my family but lately it doesn't seem enough. I know how selfish that sounds, I know there are 100s of people wishing they could be in my shoes but it just seems I am just a mum and will only be s mum. I know it is one of the most hardest but rewarding jobs but I miss being successful, working having a life. My partner works 6 days a week so we hardly get time to spend together and when we do we are constantly disagreeing about anything and everything, my mum can onlg baby sit our 4 year old and thats onces every few month and the rest of our family work too much, are ill or simply say they cannot watch thr children so we never get a brake. I cannot work as child care is way too expensive, I have 1 friend who I barley see because of distance my partner works his butt off for minimum wage we just have enough to get by. Because of past money and housing issues my partners father brought a house that we rent off him cheaply and this is going to sound so ungrateful but I now feel trapped. With how my relationship is going I feel I cannot leave if I wanted to because of this and even more selfish I don't want to be a single parent, I feel at times that I am a single parent because of my partners hours but he is a great father and helps as much as he can. I am also a recovering alcoholic its been 13 months without alcohol and 12 months without cigarettes which I think is starting to weigh on me I have no time, transport or child care for me to attend meetings.
I know this is a giant blog basically bitching and complaining when I am luckier than most I should be thankful that I have a family and a home but I don't know.I just really needed to write this and post I don't expect any nice comments I know everything I wrote is very selfish but I don't know I feel so empty.
Feeling unhappy with everything
Feeling unhappy with everything
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Parenthood Guilt
2 Replies
Go to a play centre where your 4yr old can run around and play for a few hrs, sit back and have a cup of coffee and bring a book or something? Try joining a mothers group may give you a chance to catch up with other mums and vent while kids can play. You may be able to make some friends there who in the long run may be able to help you out. Joining a church (if youre religious) is great as the community is very helpful and they offer free childcare some times. I dont know how tight with money you are but you can always look at hiring a cheap babysitter. If you look for students or even a family friend or cousin or neighbour who could come babysit for 2 hrs and just pay them 10-15 ph. If your family are low income earners you are entitled to childcare benefit and rebate. I only pay 10 dollars a day in childcare for two days a week. Good luck and try and stay positive. It might help to take baby out for a walk in the pram everyday to get some excercise which will help you feel like youve accomplished something during the day.
Thank you for acknowledging that some people do have tough lives but it actually sounds like you've been having a rough road yourself, giving up drinking and not being able to get to meetings would be tough on top of having a 14 week old! Your doing everything without your old crutch and now that your probably realising you have a lot of feelings that you used to dull with alcohol. I think if you can get a mental health care plan for visits to a counsellor you'd find that helpful, you could take your daughter if you had to. Also even one day a week of child care for your daughter will free you up. If it's for your mental health it's worth the expense! It actually won't be that long and your eldest will be in school and you will at some point be able to go back to work. Use this time to think about what you'd like to do when the kids are old enough and you could enrol in some distance education if you feel up for it. Some courses allow you to do 1 topic per semester which is manageable.