Our 13 yr old daughter is getting impossible to handle. She was diagnosed with asd & ocd & anxiety a few years ago. That's fine we accept all that however the last 10mths she has become violent & aggressive. She repeatedly attacks me especially kicking, hitting, pinching, throwing things at me. She has recently spent time in the mental health unit only to come home and physically attack me as soon as we walked in... This morning she has again hit, punched, kicked and thrown things at me to get to school. She is also cutting her arm (she's made friends with a boy who is a cutter) she is miserable here at home especially around me... I feel to keep her safe from herself I should relent and let her go into foster care (something she wants). That my desire to love and take care of her is second to keeping her safe. Has anyone done this or faced this dilemma.
Feeling like there's not option but to put child into foster care.
Feeling like there's not option but to put child into foster care.
Posted in:
Mental Health, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Teenagers, Aspergers & Autism
4 Replies
Before making any decisions get as much advice as you can possibly get. Is she seeing a psychiatrist? We found a neuropsychiatrist extremely helpful when my son (ASD) developed some comorbid behaviours. They have an excellent handle on comorbid conditions and extreme behaviours.
She unfortunately will be bumped from home to home in foster care, because she will quickly discover it's not the rosey environment she thinks it will be.
Get legal advice if she suddenly decides she wants to come home, she won't be allowed!
Get yourself professional assault response training, in order to protect yourself without harming her in the process. It happens, it's awful but it happens.
Get a good behavioural psychologist who gives you strategies for home.
Can she be re admitted to the mental health unit? Don't be afraid to use your crisis mental health hotline while exploring your options.
There are more permanent behavioural units where kids can live that are not suitable for foster care. Talk to who ever is responsible for disability funding in your area. They will allocate a case worker and will know what your options are beyond foster care.
And yeah I came close, but we got through it and glad we didn't have to go down that road. However I totally understand how/why a family would need to go down that path.
You need to contact your state government disability service agency ASAP. I work in the industry (qld) and know many many families in your position, there is help available to avoid having this as your only option! To give you an idea, a family I'm involved with is receiving supports costing $25,000 per month to give the family time to make a decision if they can have her home or not and what support they need to continue her living in the family home. It may be different in other states but here they no longer make you give up your child forever...the long term goal is that the child will return home. Don't give up on your daughter!
I had the same diagnosis (plus a few more) for my son. Last year at the age of 11 I couldn't handle the behaviours anymore as it was ruining not only his life, but mine and my toddler who started to copy him.
I contacted DCP for help (not to take him) and jeez what a battle it has been since.
After 6 weeks of promising to help me (but never did), I snapped after being stabbed by him and called them on the week end to come get him-they didn't. He then kicked in my bedroom door the next and proceeded to shut it behind him which then couldn't be opened as he had broken the lock. And this is where it began, my son then called the last number I called on my phone (crisis care) and told them he was locked in my room and I wouldn't let him out. Load of shit as I actually was outside when he went into my room. I then had Crisiscare come to House and remove my son from my care as this is abuse apparently lol . After 2 weeks I received a call from dcp begging me to take him back as they couldn't place him due to his extreme behaviours but promised to help me if he returned to my care. This mind you was after a time limited order was applied by them for my son to be a ward of the state.
I thought about it but refused to take him back. I had to put my other child and self first for a change and that I did as I had a breakdown due to his out of control behaviours.
Anyhow, fast forward 6 months, my son is now in a dcp house with other children with these types of behaviours. The sad thing is he is now a million times worst as these kids in the house alll exhibit extreme behaviours which he is now displaying also.
Dcp have given my son no counselling, no behaviour management training if that's what it's called nothing. All they have done is have him prescribed sleeping tablets so he doesn't disturb the night staff by having an anxiety attack at night. Dcp are useless, absolutely useless. It's out of sight out of mind once they have found a placement for the child. I can't have my son back due to safety concerns and if I'm honest with myself, I can't handle anymore stress with his behaviours. I have constant contact with him still, but honestly dcp has to be a last resort as they don't care, they have so many kids as not enough staff or carers or resources. The guilt I live with on a daily basis is horrible, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I feel the government has failed my son. They failed me. I have asked since he was 2 for help as I knew he had a issue and have gotten no where. This is my experience with dcp, hope it gives you some insight xx