I have four children all pretty close in age. I never really established a routine for any of them as there would always be a new baby come along and throw things out of whack. Now that the youngest is a toddler and I have time to establish a routine it seems like its too late. I feel guilty all the time because I don't get to spend enough quality time with each of them. I feel like they eat too much rubbish, watch too much tv, are too spoilt, don't get enough sleep, etc. but I just feel too overwhelmed to be able to change anything. I feel like I spend all my time cleaning and miss out on time with the kids but don't even have a tidy house to show for it. My mum has always helped out with child care while I'm at work and because she is free to clean before and after she has them she spends her day playing games with them, painting, etc. while I feel like all the time I have with them is taken up with dressing them, changing them, cooking for them and cleaning up after them. They constantly tell me how much they prefer spending time with my mum because she is more fun than me. I dread taking my kids places because I feel like I have no control over them and I am always worrying about what people must think about my parenting skills. I really wish there was some way I could go back in time and do-over everything I've done with them up to this point because I think I've messed it up so badly. I'm not even sure what I'm asking but if anyone else has ever been in this position and turned it around I would love some tips.
3 Replies
Firstly, don't be so hard on yourself! Having 4 young children and working is an achievement in itself! It's not too late to establish routine but you must be persistent. Work out a clear plan and then stick to it no matter what until the whole family gets used to it. Set a bed time (my children are 4,6&7 months) and bed time is 7.30-8 for us. Create a roster, my boys help do everything, set the table, make their beds, tidy toys and if they don't the toys disappear. They even argue over who will vaccum! Make Sundays family day. Sundays for us are all about spending time together, fishing, the beach, cooking, movies, board games what ever it is that you're in to. Limit screen time (it may take awhile for them to accept this if they've been used to watching tv a lot but they will), for us movies are treats, tv is allowed a little bit usually whilst I'm preparing dinner.its never too late to change if you want to, and it sounds like you do want to. Forget the cleaning and just be with your kids, you never know when it could all change and also they grow so fast. If you establish routine, everything else will fall in to place. Good luck, and please be kind to yourself, love is the most important thing you can give your children xx
Don't be tough on yourself. I feel a bit like this at times because my MIL has all the time to take the kids off on fantastic adventures. I am a full time working mum of 2 littlies. My kids love going on their scooters or similar. We have a fantastic area to take them walking so this is my main go to for spending time with the kids. We don't have to get in a car and drive somewhere, there are only neighborhood people around and we can just walk out the door, and off we go on an adventure. You can make it fun by taking a container of some sort and collecting bugs and leaves and things that kids LOVE. What keeps me going and reminds me that the kids know the difference between my MIL and I is that if they are hurt or tired their ultimate person is ME.
My tips for you would be:
- Take the kids out of the house, even if it is just to a nearby park or play area each day. When they are out of the house they can't mess it up.
- Mine are old enough to leave in the bath or shower or kiddie pool, so when I want to clean the floors, I put them in one of those. (if you can do this, do, they love the water and it is a contained mess)
- If you can afford it, get a cleaner to come in once a week or fortnight.
- Throw routine out the window, you didn't need it when they were younger, you don't need it now.
- If you want to paint with the kids, do it on the lawn and have the kids naked, then it is easy, you don't get dirty clothes and you can hose paint away.
- Get the kids to help you with cooking dinner, it doesn't matter if the carrots are cut in different sizes, the kids will enjoy being involved, and try and prepare dinner in the morning or if you don't want to involve the kids you could do it the night before.
- I find that if I make a big batch of curry or pasta sauce or a couple of shepherds pies on the weekend then have them on 2 nights through the week it saves me LOTS of time.
Good luck, you are not the only one, we all struggle through these things at some point x
I have 3 kids close in age. When I worked FT, I didn't feel connected either. No fun time...getting them dressed, fed and clean took up any time I did have. Messy house and public tantrums was my life. It did get better with age and they are well adjusted kids who do very well in school and I can take them anywhere. Now ages 9-11-12. I found the best thing for us was to spend 15 minutes a day with each child one on one. This can be taking turns cooking with you or helping you do a specific chore each.