Hi sisters!
I'm not sure if I'm after advice per say, I just really need some mummy friends!
Back story. Ex and I have a wonderful DD who just turned 3. We have been separated for almost 2 years. I am re partnered and he is engaged. We have got along for the most part, having stupid fights here and there.
He took ages to increase time spent with our daughter, then did it for a month, then went back to 2 days a fortnight. He then moved back in with his parents and wanted more time. I agreed yet again. He then wanted even more days. I agreed in the condition I am allowed frequent contact as he does like hinder all contact with me DD.
Anyway he then out of the blue hires a solicitor and wants 50/50. BTW he lives 2.5 hours away.
So I hire a barrister and respond accordingly. He then calls me telling me he thinks my partner is hitting my daughter.....I put his claim to rest.
I then get a response to my letter today and he is now claiming he has sexually abused my DD ....due to a rash she had 4 months ago. He gave me until 3pm today to respond saying I will no longer leave my daughter in my partners sole care....which he know is completely impossible as u have just started a very intense full time job. He also threw in my past drug and alcohol addiction (almost 7 years in recovery from alcohol and 5 from drugs) and my previous mental health issues surrounding these addictions! Oh he also claims I hang out with rapists!!!
How the hell does his lawyer even think it's ethical to write his allegations??!!!
So my response was basically, no, my partners envolvement will no change so take me to court.
I feel like the worst mum, my poor baby will have to be dragged through this horrible process, but Im not going to sit here sending letters of slander back a forth with no result. Plus it's not even about him or u it's about our child!!!
Any mum's out there having/had a similar experience, I need your words of wisdom, I don't want to break down xx
2 Replies
It seems your husbands game playing lawyers has created the exact response he wanted from you. For you to bite back and threaten court. $$$ for him! My advice, stay calm and don't buy into it. Your daughters father has concerns. Regardless of if they are valid or not, I think you need to listen to what he's saying and address them like a reasonable adult. Ask him what would make him feel more at ease with the situation. Maybe the men haven't met each other? Does your new partner have a blue card, have you checked out his background etc? Maybe let your ex know that you have to work full time and that he can have the option to care for your child in the times your have to be away from her rather than have someone outside the family do it? Can he afford a nanny to care for her? Does he want to pay for her to be in full time supervised day care instead? If there's serious concerns, you can't just dismiss them. Imagine if he's right about the allegations, later on that will be far, far worse for everyone involved, mostly, your daughter.
I must not have explained myself correctly.
The men do know each other, we all used to live together. My ex knows my partner would not do this, and has admitted he made it up.
He is the one who wants to take me to court, not the other way around.
I ended up getting my daughter back