Feeling stupid

Sorry for the long post and it most likely making no sense I just need to get words out that are like pounding my head. I feel like I am drowning today the 1st of January is my 30th birthday, I have one daughter who let's just say has been quite naughty lately I try my hardest to be the best I can be but it is hard I want to just crawl into a small hole and die last night me and my daughter spent new year eve alone at home because my husband had to work and we only have one car and we had no money to catch a taxi anywhere and my best friend was with her husband and his family in another town, then today I spent it punishing my daughter because she had misbehaved and because my husband worked the night before he had slept all day and had to work tonight as well so I spent today alone and miserable with my daughter in her room, I have no family as I grew up in foster care since I was a small child and I don't want to burden my friends with my misbehaving child especially seeing they were all hungover anyway, my husband dotes on me and his step daughter but is clueless about me, for Christmas and my birthday I had to buy myself a present and give it to him to wrap for me as he had no idea what to get me, but when it comes to him I know him like the back of my hand I know what he likes and dislikes and for his birthdays and Christmases I know what to surprise him with I just feel really unappreciated, I have never had a good birthday I was always feeling unloved especially in the foster care system all I ever wanted as a kid was a mum and dad who told me that they loved me or cared about me but none showed it instead I got abused and called names by them or their children so numerous foster homes later I moved out of my last foster home and lived on the streets until I picked myself up and moved into a girls shelter where I got help and got my own place and a job things went great until I had my daughter and I had pnd I stopped going out and stopped meeting new people I met my husband through a friend when my daughter was 3 and he has been the silver lining, but now that we have been trying for a baby it seems that I can't even do that for him I feel so pathetic we have gone to doctors and have had test and we are both fine but I have menohragia so it is hard for us because of that it has gotten to the stage now that we have stopped trying and are just trying to get me sorted, but it feels as though everything I have had bottled up over the past 30 years is starting to come out and I just don't want to go on anymore I guess that this is a bad start to 2015. Sorry again for the long post.