I have just found out I'm pregnant with number 4, my second unplanned pregnancy in 2 years (before everyone gets on the use contraception band wagon I was). I'm a wreak and feel so confused. Financially my partner doesn't think that we could cope with another child and given I have a strong history of mental health issues although have been fine with the latest who is 10 mths, I'm not sure if I am mentally strong enough to have another one. I do know that I will not abort in any circumstance, but also don't know if I could adopt. I guess I'm asking if any other IMs have been in this situation and what decision they came to and if there were any regrets. Feeling scared and alone as partner would really like to abort although he knows that is not an option.
5 Replies
I also have 4 children. I fell pregnant with the last 6 months after I had my third baby, and I was extremely young. I didn't find a fourth added too much pressure financially. We coped. My hubby and I were both working, but we could have survived on one income if needed.
Don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do. Use the time your pregnant to research what's out in your community in terms of support so if you do find your struggling you'll have an idea of where to go for help. The hospital will also be able to give some advice when you go for your pre natal appointments... My saying is you'll never regret the baby you do have, only the one you don't. Good luck xx
Remember it is still 8 or so months until you have this baby, your 10 month old with be one and a half years old. You will have had 8 months more to prepare yourself. Good luck with your decision x
My husband and I fell pregnant accidentally about 3 years ago. We already had 2 beautiful kids and didn't want more. I had a termination and have no regrets whatsoever. It wasn't fair to bring another child into the world when we couldn't afford it and were happy sharing our time and love with the 2 we have.
I felt this exact same way when I had my 4th. I fell pregnant accidentally when my 3rd child was only 3 months old. I also didn't like the idea of abortion and decided to call the government pregnancy hotline to talk about my feelings and what was involved in an abortion, because I didn't really know much about them. The lady I spoke to was fantastic and so supportive. She said that she has lots of calls from women who regret aborting children after they already had other children because they feel guilty about having given birth to the children they currently have and not giving the aborted child the same chance. What she said got me thinking about how much I love my kids and how I could never imagine them not being around. I decided right then I would have and keep my 4th child and I have never regretted the decision. She is now 3.5 years and I couldn't imagine my life without her. Having a 4th child really didn't cost much either because we had all the baby stuff and plenty of clothes from the other kids. If you couldn't imagine your life without any of your 3 children now then you should keep your baby, as he/she is already a person with a personality just as unique as your other children that you will love just as much.
Thank you beautiful ladies for your advice and support. My Partner and I have decided to keep number 4 after a long conversation about the "options". As I said I will not accept abortion and he couldn't cope with the questions in years to come if we adopted and the parents we choose weren't everything we hoped for. Still feeling a little scared but I was with going from 1-2 and 2-3 so I think that is normal given my past history with PND.