Hey IM's,
I am more of a supportive commenter but atm I am feeling so lost and I really just need to blurb it out..!
I am currently 33weeks with my first pregnancy, and honestly it has been a breeze, no major symptoms apart from some doozies of hormonal floods.
I have a wonderful and supportive partner. Even his family is super supportive. My family on the other hand are a lot older (he is 2nd eldest of 6, and I am the youngest of 6) and live in different cities/countries and have younge families of their own. I still live in my home town where only my brother (we don't speak) and father reside. Everyone else is 8hrs plus away, I have never been overly close with them due to the age gaps (11 yrs difference between me and the eldest).
Recently my mother informed me that she won't be able to make it here for the birth due to her work schedule, which I am understanding of as at least my father will be in town. Until yesterday, he informed me that he is putting himself back into AA ( he does this 4+ times a yr (has done for 10+ yrs), re-occurring alcoholic, Vietnam vet, goes for 6-8weeks) he sees it as a vacation from life to come back and start the cycle again a month or two after.
I have always been supportive of my father and encourage his recovery every time.
I am not a selfish person but at the moment I feel like I have the right to be selfish, and I am mainly upset as the realisation that I won't have anyone from my family here for the birth, I don't ask for much from my family, if anything at all.
At the start of the year/pregnancy I ceased contact with some friends as I had out grown their attitudes/behaviours (angry, argumentative, using me as an unpaid always on call babysitter, alcohol habits, belittling me, and them just not giving a shit about me or my feelings) so I now don't have many friends either.
The whole time I have been pregnant I have stayed at home alone while my partner works, I see maybe one or two friends a month to which I always initiate first contact.
Yes, I do have a mental health history (behaviour disorder, medications are not effective), No I do not need to see a counsellor (the last counsellor I saw was so wrapped up in giving me examples of others that he would talk for 45mins out of the hr I was paying him for and could not see through his own smugness that I tried to commit sucicde due to the countless medications they gave me, in the end he told me he couldn't help me and left me stranded) as I no longer trust ppl I have to pay for advice.
I do talk and cry to my partner, but he is a logical person and really doesn't know how to respond but he is always there for me and I am grateful to be with him and have him in my life as he is the only one I can count on.
I don't know what I need or if there was a question that needs to be answered. Am just feeling deserted, alone and lost..!
5 Replies
Firstly, when you are in labour you won't give a shit who is around other than your partner. More people just make everything harder, because then they want to have there two cents. See this as the beginning if getting the dead weight out of your life and making your family. You will be so focused on your baby and your partner and your self the others are just back ground noise.
Secondly hook up with a mothers group when you have your baby. Even try a few. You will all be going through baby stuff together and although it can take some time to bond you will have babies to bond over. If your husbands family is supportive then when you need a break, or support go to them.
*hug* its your first enjoy the birth with your husband. It is during and after the first few weeks you will need their help start negotiating support time for after the birth rather than for the birth
Hugs!~
Trying to remember back to when I was pregnant now I felt. I think at times I felt like nobody cared about me and the baby, and that I wanted others to make it a 'bigger thing' if you know what I mean? Sheesh that was hard to say... I guess I felt ignored and others weren't sharing in my joy. I was also anxious I wouldn't have the necessary support network when I had baby.
I think one of the best things I ever did was join an online mums group with people who were due at the same time as me. I ended up meeting a number of these ladies in real life and the support that they have offered me is just amazing. I couldn't ask for a better group of ladies. Otherwise perhaps your hospital could link you in with a mums group? .
I've thought about this long and hard for a long time and have come to the conclusion that people forget how hard it is! They forget how emotional and vulnerable pregnancy can be, and how the early days with a bubba can be so difficult and you can't doubt yourself as a mama. People don't intend to do this on purpose, I think they just get so caught up and wrapped up in what's going on in their own hectic lives, that they don't stop and recognise what you're experiencing. That's where the mums groups come in. Such a beautiful amount of support
From the poster:
Thank you lovely IM's that have posted hugs and advice as well as those that have shed some light and support on my situation.
I am happy to update that after relaying my concerns to my mother (a simple msg of being alone). She has been able to juggle her schedule around a bit (which I am truely greatful for as she has just started up a new seminar business) and will be in town 2days before the delivery date. :) :) :)
After hearing how supportive and non intrusive my mother was with my sisters births, honestly i was slightly jealous that i would not have that same experience. I am ecstatic that she has managed to swap things around, I, yes, could of asked my MIL but honestly my mother knows how I am and how I react. Where as the MIL only sees a certain side of me to which I am fairly certain I would not be able to keep control of whilst dealing with a new born and no sleep.
As for the suggestions to seek out the mothers groups to expand friendships, I will deffinatly be looking into them, and hopefully can overcome my shyness.
Thank you again IM's for all of your advice and well wishes. I do appreciate it. :D