Due to my husband leaving I have had to return to work after always being a stay-at-home mum to continue to provide the level of lifestyle/opportunities I wish to continue for my children and myself. I suppose what I am asking is, 'is it wrong of me to ask my children to help around the house and keep everything clean whilst I'm out working? I have a nearly 18yr DD, 11yr DD and a 5yr DS....tonight I was told I was ungrateful by my 18yr old as they do more then what they should do around the house. I guess I'm feeling like I'm working my butt off for my children who place no value upon anything and just expect it all regardless how rundown I get. I know my children are very well behaved etc....but just seem ungrateful at times. Perhaps I do expect too much from them :(
4 Replies
Not at all, I have been a single mum for a year and a half, we own a big home so its hard to maintain on my own and occasionally i work. I have a 5 yr old and a 3 yr old, whenever i do the dishes one of them dries and the other wipes down the benches and table, when i mow the lawns they both pick up the toys off the lawn, then i rake and they help me pick up the grass, they fight over who gets to vacuum, there bedrooms are there responsibility to keep clean and my 5 year old always goes and makes my bed for me while i get breakfast ready.... i guess at this age its easy because they love feeling like they get to do big people things and they love the appreciation.. and possibly the loud music that i always have playing when theres alot of housework that needs to be done... even though there a bit older, maybe even after they do the dishes or do a small job tell them how much you appreciate them and there help because it makes your life a lot easier, remembering back when i was that old, the only reason i used to cook and clean for my family because of the praise i got afterwards, made me feel special and like i was a good contributor
By the time I was 18 I could clean the house from top to bottom in 4 hours and cleaned every week. Was responsible for my own bedroom. Took turns loading and unloading the dishwasher with my siblings, fed the pets cooked a family meal one night a week, made my own lunches and breakfasts and washed my own clothes. At 11 years old I was doing dishes daily, responsible for my own room, would vacuum, dust or clean the bathroom when asked.
At 5 my intellectually disabled son would pick up his own dishes and put in the sink, dry dishes, unload the dishwasher, set the table, badly vacuum his room lol.
Point is all kids should participate in housework however at under 15 it's probably unrealistic to do it without being reminded and if the 18 year old is expected to monitor the younger 2 or babysit all the time that's probably not going to work.
No I don't think your expecting too much of them especially if you've gone back to work to give them more opportunities. However this day in age kids have a lot on their plate and are usually expected to do a lot more school wotk and extra sports and stuff. Maybe give them an allowance for their work or start taking away their luxuries if they don't do their chores
I don't think they're ungrateful, it sounds like they just have no perspective on helping out around the house because you've always done everything for them. It's going to be a bit of a battle for you now to get them on board, but it's one you need to have.
The 18yr old should already have had a work ethic installed much earlier on. At least now you have a second chance with your 11yr old.
Draw up a roster.
My sister and I from the age of 12 used to do our own laundry, change our sheets every weekend and clean our rooms. One of us would vacumn the house once a week and the other clean the bathrooms and mop the floors. Then we would take turns making dinner during the week. We would get home from school around 3.30pm, Mum and Dad worked full-time and wouldn't get home till almost 6pm, so dinner was ready when they did.
Our parents gave us extra pocket money when we did our chores as an added incentive.
It made us responsible thoughtful children and when we moved out in our late teens (for uni) we were able to go into share houses understanding what our contribution needed to be to our flatmates.
You're not doing them any favours by doing everything for them.