I've just done something I'm really not proud of!! My 7 year old daughter just completely and utterly refused to get ready for school. She dug her heels in and just refused to get ready. So I've just screamed the house down!! Yelled so much profanity and she was screaming back at me. Wondering what the neighbours are thinking! I threw a shoe at the wall and dinted it, I threw the hair brush at the floor and broke it. And she still wouldn't listen. Then called her a few names that I hugely regret now and felt so bad I rang my husband in tears telling him what a bad mother I am. I couldn't help it, she constantly pushes my buttons, and is like this a lot but today I just snapped. Not proud of myself at all!!! How can I get them to listen to me more without going off like a psycho??? Feeling greatly like a failure right now!!!
3 Replies
Being a mum is bloody hard and there are very few of us who could say we haven't lost it. Firstly, make sure you are getting breaks from being a mum. Nobody can be mum 24/7 without snapping if they aren't getting non mum times. So time out in the week, to exercise (stress relief), coffee with a friend or what ever it is you'd like to do. It gives us a chance to decompress, and be ourselves without the responsibility.
Secondly, I know this sounds weird, look at ways to ease the day to day pressure. Is your family over committed. Are there too many extra curricular activities, for everyone, if so cull back. Too busy equals too tired and grumpy and it doesn't have to be that way. Is everyone getting to bed on time, the same thing, too tired equals grumpy kids.
Now don't get me wrong, kids will chuck wobblies but if everyone isn't so tired the wobblies wont be so bad and we will be less likely to loose it when they do.
Is everyone who can, pulling there weight mostly? Do they have a routine in the mornings so they do it without thinking about. For example, when we were kids we had the routine of breakfast, teeth brushing, bed making, get dressed, shoes on, hair brush and then as soon as we had that done we were allowed to watch a favourite cartoon until it was time to leave. We were all in a race because the person who finished first got more TV time. I think when my mum started the routine all our clothes and shoes were lined up in one room so she could supervise us, but as we aged we aged we got changed in our own rooms and because it was routine there was rarely an argument, just something we did.
Anyway that was just a few thoughts, I hope you find something that works.
I had exactly the same morning you describe with my 10 year old son. I am a single mum (doing it tough) who had to get to work by 8 am and my son was fluffing around doing nothing, knowing full well that I needed to get him to before school care and be at work on time, especially since there is a new boss who is scrutinizing all the staff. He didn't care, refused to get moving and I screamed and yelled and called him names. I threw a shoe in his direction! I felt awful and apologized after. I also explained my stress levels and what he could have done better. After school he apologized and we talked some more. I think with communication, explanation and forgiveness a lot can be resolved. I have to forgive myself and from what I have seen with good communication and honesty my relationship with him hasn't suffered. Be gentle with yourself. You are only human.
I've had this with a 3 ye old that won't get ready. Lost my mind and felt awful. Then I sat her down and said sorry for the yelling, I don't like it and you don't like it. We're not doing it anymore, I will listen to you and you also sometimes need to listen to me, we both don't want to have mornings like this, right? . Seems to have worked she's been very different since, I know they're very different ages but think it's important to come back on track with love and kindnesS.