My eldest son is 7yr old Grade 2 at school, we have been having massive issues with his behaviour, him not sitting still, fidgeting, not completing work, chewing clothing, having meltdowns in class which end up in him hiding under furniture. We have now been seeing a Pediatrician and Psychologist for almost 6 months to get things sorted, we tried a sensory box at school to help calm him and keep him from touching other students and getting up from his desk, it didnt work very well, tried the change in diet didnt help much either. We have now started him on a trial of Straterra and so far it works but not as much as I had hoped, the meltdowns are stopping or just not as severe and he is able to sit fairly still and start to focus.
My issue is I feel like I have failed him as parent, I have a partner (stepdad) who has come to only 2 psychologist appts, no pead ones and didnt follow through on what was asked of him to do by psychologist. I have been left to deal with the school, dr's and all of it by myself, I have now in the space of a week forgotten 2 appointments, 1 with his school behaviour teacher and 1 with the psychologist, And putting him on meds without partners input has caused major issues as well. But I felt I had minimal options left but to trial it. I feel like such a failure atm because I am so stressed I am forgetting important appointments. I am now constantly fighting with partner as I feel so alone in it all and like I have no support. What can I do to stop feeling like this.
Feeling Like a Failure
Feeling Like a Failure
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Kids
6 Replies
I think you need to get your own mental health sorted too. It's a really good idea to get your own mental health care plan, someone to talk to for you and give you strategies to keep your cool.
Also get yourself a diary, write everything down, appointments etc and check it daily. In times of stress I find it really important to stay super vigilant with writing everything down.
You are not failing. You have a lot on your plate right now and as suggested above go get a mental health plan done for you. You have a few options with remembering things - keep a diary, a calendar on the fridge, your phone with reminders set, or you can even change your screen so every day when you look at your phone everything you need to do for the week is on there (just screen shot notes of what you need to do and make it the background/home screen).
Hi
Have you tried a blow up tent that he can giving for quiet time when he's angry upset etc.?My son who has aspergers has one in his class all the kids use and it really helps calm him down
Oh hun, this could easily have bn my post, though I do have a supportive husband I still feel alone in dealing with it all due to his work commitments and no time to talk with him. This week I realized Ive spent so much energy trying to hold it together and not break down but finally it got to much and I cried it out with hubby and just the release and giving myself permission to cry and share my feelings really helped. This process is huge and you need your partner to be in your court. I would sit down with him and try to tell him how your feeling. He probably has no idea how your feeling and letting him know will hopefully help him understand your decisions. I've decided I need a bit of time to clear my head so Im planning to cancel next weeks appointments. It wont help me if Im not in the head space to listen to what they have to say. I know how it feels to be overwhelmed with appointments and becoming forgetful plus constantly hearing negative things about my child is sooooo draining and hurtful. I plan to just focus on my son next week and sharing moments to remind me why I fight so hard for him. Then the week after hopefully I can start back with fresh energy to do everything I can to make my sons life easier for him. It's very clear that you have your sons best interests at heart and your a great Mum, your heart wouldnt be so heavy if you werent a great mum. Your son has a beautiful bright future ahead of him and thats something to get excited about. It sounds like your on the right track with him and Im sure your partner will agree when he sees the results. Just keep focusing on the improvements, remember all the beautiful, amazing things your son achieves or does. It wont be easy but it will be worth it :) Best wishes.
Use a diary to jot down your appointment. A lot of mothers of special needs kids go to appointments by themselves as the other parent can't make it and learn to make decisions in by yourself. Have confidence in yourself, just because a doctor recommends this medication doesn't meen you have to use it. Get a second opinion if you are not happy and read more about it. Also its not his child, so you should not expect that much from him.
Okay Little upset with the people who have said its not his vhild so dont expect him to help. He has been in my sons life for 6yrs now. So he is the only dad my son has known. But for all the other suggestions thanks heaps. I will definitely take them on board. And thank you so much for the kind words.