Hi Mumas I need some advise on which avenue to take... I recently found out my cousin is engaged.... Yah I was super excited for her.... Messaged her to say Congrats etc. Here's where the issue starts... All the 'save the dates' (invites) were sent out... And I was the only one on our side of the family not to be invited. Just to clarify my nan (grandad passed away) my aunts,uncles,all of my cousins their partners and children..even my brother his girlfriend and my mum but not me or my husband and 2 children :( my dad wasnt invited as My parents broke up ages ago. I was super hurt. I could maybe understand if we argued or didn't like each other but we both went to my other cousins wedding earlier this year and we get along really well. she was telling me things she hadn't told any one else in the family yet ?!? I also thought if it was a numbers thing I would understand however their family is multi millionaires she drives a Ferrari and is in her early twenties and they are having the wedding on one of their many properties.
So what should I do it's eating me up. Truth be told I probably wouldn't be able to make the trip to the wedding as I'm a working mum with two young children and a big mortgage (not that they know I wouldn't be able to make it financially).
Shall I email my Aunty (who is behind the invite list with my cousin) to express my hurt and disgust of being left out and try to find out why I was left out? as no one else in the family is giving me answers :(
Should I email my cousin... Though I don't really want to put more stress on the bride in an already stressful time as I know what it's like.
Or do I just cut them off and never talk to them?
Or just try to move on like it never happened which will be awfully hard :(
What would you do?
Family wedding I'm the only one in my family not invited for no reason!
Family wedding I'm the only one in my family not invited for no reason!
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage
7 Replies
I personally would let it go. Whatever reason there is it's not likely to satisfy your feelings or make you feel better. So chalk it up to one of those things and move on. People have all sorts of reasons for not inviting people to weddings and just like with birthday parties etc they are entitled to invite or not invite anyone they choose. Of course that doesn't mean I'd treat my cousin like my bestie, but I wouldn't feel the need to create a scene or physically cut them out of my life. I just wouldn't make an effort with them.
I'd probably say something, just to get it off my chest so I could move on. It's nice to think about the bride, but sometimes messages passed on get certain inflections added ifywim, it might be best to go straight to the horses mouth, something simple like,
"congratulations, I'm really sad I won't be there to share your special day. I'm a little sad and not sure why I wasnt invited, I would love to be there and I thought we were quite close, please let me know if there's anything on your mind. But I don't want to make it about me, it's your big day & I wish you all the best, love _____. "
Then it's done, you've expressed yourself and you know it's up to her and you can move on without harbouring anger about it.
Don't voice disgust just yet! If theres no real reason you can see why you wouldn't be invited, could they have,
1. Forgotten?
2. Wrong address on the envelope?
3. Sent it and it's been lost in the mail?
Don't get angry just yet, get the details, I recommend you call/text/email your aunty and just mention you did not recieve an invite, is this correct?
That gives her a chance to not only let you know if this is right, but also to explain why.
Don't lose your cool, play it calm, react after all details are known :)
To be fare it is just save the dates. I have told people to save our date but now will not be inviting them. Talk about a mess around. Just wait until the actual invites are out and go from there.
If you probably couldn't make it anyway what's the problem? And maybe she does know that. Also it might be about venue numbers. Just because you can afford to invite everyone doesn't mean the venue can fit everyone. Maybe they agreed to keep family members even on the grooms and brides side? Maybe they would have had to leave some very close friends off the list. Weddings are a total nightmare invite wise. In our family two weddings caused an absolute nightmare because we didn't invite a teenage cousins girlfriend (who we didn't know) and in another wedding where kids under 12 weren't invited because the venue was so small and couldn't afford anything bigger (plus we didn't know the kids anyway). There are lots of reasons why people don't get invited and the bride and groom shouldn't have to explain it.
Sorry, but I think that's awful advice (in reply to the one who said to call and go on about how sad you are to miss the big day etc). Guilt tripping someone should never be the answer. Have someone from your side (your mum/sister) message the aunt to say you mentioned that you hadn't received a Save The Date, and then drop it. If it was an oversight, they can correct it. If it was deliberate... Well, then it was deliberate. Berating them, trying to make them feel guilty, etc will only make them think they were right if they left you off on purpose, and may hurt their feelings if it was a genuine oversight or lost in the mail.
Don't lose your cool and express your disgust. Call your Aunty and say that everyone else received a save the date but you didn't and that you want to know if there was one for you, or why you weren't invited. It might have gotten lost in the mail or you might have been accidentally forgotten. Weddings are stressful for the planners and it might be a mistake.
If it isn't a mistake, just move on and forget about it. Wish them well and don't be bitter. Cutting someone out of your life just because you weren't invited to a wedding is spiteful, especially if you're not even sure if you can go.
It is tough putting together a guest list, regardless of How much money you have. We invited a couple and only one of their two young adult daughters. The one who wasn't invited hasn't held it against us. The only reason one daughter was invited is because the parents chose to bring her anyway and she would have just sat in the hotel room every night.
Hopefully it is just a mistake.