How important are cousins?
My young children have cousins but they arent close because the parents arent close. Its not like we hate eachother, we just dont make the time for them even tho they have tried on a few occasions to plan things. But now I feel guilty. My neices and nephews are very close with cousins for the other side of their family and it does make me jealous. It has gotten to the point now that I feel they are no longer interested in me or my little family but have all the time in the world for their other family.
My kids never sleep over anyones house because quite frankly i have issues with that. I know they would be fine but I think I have control issues, like they are my kids, they arent sleeping at your house. Or I dont trust anyone to look after them properly. I cant see what other issue it could be, but I can't seem to shake it. I want them to have relationships with their cousins and spend time with them so how I can I get over my own stupid issues and help foster and create a relationship for my kids with their cousins?
If you let your kids sleep over at cousins houses, how do you give up some of that controlling behauvior that is stopping me? Or is it normal?
How do I fix this?
Family relationships
Family relationships
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
5 Replies
You just try it once. You are nervous the first time but then you realise your kids had such a great time, they come back alive, and even if something wasn't done your way that nothing bad happened. So you try it again, and the same things happen and you relax a bit, and then you realise it's fantastic that your kids no they are loved, safe and secure in multiple places and what a gift that is to them, that it gives a sense of security in the world, and that they build confidence. So you just keep doing it, learn to love it, learn to do things without the kids. Learn to enjoy sleepovers and enjoy picking them up.
Just try it. The first time is the worse and you wont sleep at all that night but each time after that it slowly gets better. Or if your not wanting to do sleep overs perhaps picnic at the park or something simular.
relationhips wax and wane.......im not close with my cousins much now but before 7 I was close with one side 7-10 with some from the other side.....then 10-15 with the others from the other side (big family)
not involved with those now due to alcohol and drugs.....the others due to being internationally employed.....those who like me are busy raising their kids we chat alot and catch up. in some ways we are the only ones in this area of the state so family stuff we do together even though we are cousins...
letting go is something which we all have to learn....really the only way to do it is to literally let go and distract yourself and it doesn't get easier....
my girls took the train across melbourne twice over the course of the long weekend....first time ever the three of them alone....mum is in their good books...Nana is SO in their bad books......
(they don't know how much worse it couldve been I had to BARK at Nana to drag Grandpa off the Train and not meet them at Southern Cross because this was THEIR ADVENTURE!)
anyway the youngest expressed to Nana just how unimpressed she was to find her and all their cousins waiting at the station they finally got off at for them......they were going to walk to Nana's tsk tsk Nana you aren't supposed to be here......then Nana insisted on going halfway back with them and putting them on the train at SC......the looks of disgust at missing out on half of their adventure when they got home......Oooooooooo Nana is in trouble.....
the elder two ride the buses and trains every day of the week for the last 2 years and have been through southern cross dozens of times......they can handle the boards and time tables and they have even been teaching the youngest how to figure out platforms and routes.....jumping between buses and going all over on the weekends having their aadventures literally just chewing myki money......
insisting they be escorted was treating them like little kids not the high schoolers they are
My kids are super close to all their cousins but i have a close relationship with my sisters. I trust my sisters 100% with my kids and we often do sleep overs.
You need to ask yourself, what do you think will happen if you're not there? They play, they eat, they sleep and then they come home. Maybe start off with a play date at the cousins house and when u feel comfy lwt them have a sleep over.
I was always close with one cousin still am now. My kids not so much i have 2 girls my bil has 2 boys similar ages. They play but i wouldn't have a sleep over. They arent close and i couldnt really care. Any other cousins fron my side there will be a massive age gap as my brothers wont have kids anytime soon so i doubt they will be close on that side too. Only sleepovers happening are grandmas or grandpas till they are older and those are very few and far between