Hi,
I'm after some advice. It's a very long story. I am a young mum of 2 (youngest is 3 months old), I'm married to their dad who is awesome. Been together 9 years.
My brother who is 13 has recently started living with our mum (they live 4 hours away from us) after living with his dad/nanna all his life. Mum has never been a good mother. Myself and my 2 sisters both were kicked out of home when we were about 15. She smokes pot everyday, has no job and will never change. I keep the peace with her as she's my mum and the only one I have. My brothers 20 yo brother (different dad to me) is almost in jail and has 2 kids. My brother won't tell me why he won't live with his dad he just refuses to go back there. His dad used to physically abuse my mum so maybe there's something more to that.
My brother keeps asking me if he can move in. He says mum yells at him all the time (which I know would be true). She doesn't take him anywhere and doesn't do anything with him. Lately mum has told me she's not coping well with him. Hes been wagging school and he's getting involved in drugs. Mum says he is smoking pot and stealing it from her cupboard. When she confronts him he says he needs it for his depression and if she does it why can't he. She said he's hanging around with bad kids at school too. She has taken him to a counsellor but she says he's not interested.
I'm so worried about what path he's going on. He is a good kid and my husband and I love him dearly. He is just crying out for attention and love and is getting mixed up in the wrong things. He comes down and stays with us for school holidays and is never any trouble here.
My husband and I have discussed him living here and we believe it's the best option for him and his future. We don't smoke at all, don't drink and my husband has a pretty good full-time job. I believe he needs guidance, discipline (gets none at home and does no chores) and good role models. Ive told mum that he can live here and the only thing she said was that she can't afford for him not to live with her.. I don't understand fully as he didn't live with her previously but maybe she's liking the extra money. It makes me sad to think she doesn't want what's best for him. I don't even know how to raise a teenager but I believe I'd do a better job than my mother.
Does anyone have advice for me? Legally is he too young to make the decision on where he wants to live? Would I get financial assistance if he came here?
4 Replies
I think if you're willing to take him on go for it! Id start with strict guidelines for him and he has to understand he needs to be a good role model for your kids but if he respects that you'll respect him. His current situation sounds dreadful. Regarding your mum I'd be reminding her your brother's future is more important to her welfare payments!
I'd make him finding a good counsellor he feels comfortable with a non negotiable should he move in. He's obviously been through a lot and tell him it may take a few visits to different ones to find one that suits!
Good luck!
Also check with an organization like Barnardos or FACS for legal guardianship and Centrelink regarding any assistance.
If you and ur hubby are willing to take on your brother then I would say good on you for caring so much about his future. If your mum won't let him go due to loss in payments then she doesn't deserve to have a son in the first place.
Id take him in at least on a trial basis. And too bad for your mum!
I'm not sure on the legalities, hopefully someone has some info. I think if your mum agrees it's a no brainer