My son (4) is very clingy & nagging more recently. He is a beautiful little boy with a very kind heart, but recently I have noticed a little villain coming out in him. For example, yesterday, partner got home from work & we were discussing something, when out of nowhere my son lunged at me & pulled my hair. When I'm doing something, he will call out 'look at me Mum', or get in my face when I'm trying to do something. He will tell me he loves me ten times in a row, & constantly asks for a cuddle & a kiss, which don't get me wrong, is adorable because it means he loves me & just wants to show me affection. But he doesn't have any patience even though we try teaching him that he has to wait his turn when we're busy. It makes it even harder when he does this when I'm doing something quite important & he is nagging me &/or trying to jump on my knee & get inbetween me & what I'm in the middle of. Partner & I thought maybe he wants attention, but I give him plenty of attention. Makes me feel like maybe I'm doing something wrong. I don't know how else to give him attention. We make lunch together, we talk, we play games, we read bedtime stories, he helps with little tasks, etc. He is starting kinder next year & needs to learn that everybody has a turn, & in the meantime if someone is doing something, he needs to wait his turn. There has been no recent change in our lives to suggest a separating anxiety to explain the extra need for attention/constant affection. I'm just looking for other Mums suggestions on what they would call this if it were your child.
5 Replies
Im no expert, just reading this it sounds like hes screaming out for your attention. And it sounds like he is being told no, wait, im busy (dont we all do that) perhaps youre expecting him to be acting older than he can be and its causing this discomfort in him. maybe take a step back and expect less from him & support him more. He will learn sharing and taking turns in school with other kids, dont worry about that. I dont know if little kids really get that with their parents anyway, theyre still egocentric at that age & expect to be the centre of our world.
Little kids at that age can and do wait. I think there is a happy medium though and your smart to be prepping him for kindy/school. By the sounds of it he doesn't have a sibling so it can be harder work because there hasn't been that necessity to share time so much. If you've got something that has to be done that he can't be involved in set the expectation before you start eg 'I have to do this really boring job so I want you to play with your toys while I do it. The less you interrupt me the faster we can do something nice together'. It will take some work and redirecting him back to what he is supposed to be doing but by being consistent he should get the idea. You could also try timers, you can do x on your own but when the timer goes off it's your turn with mummy. Consistency is the key though to any plan.
Original poster here. To the first commenter - he isn't always being told no, wait. He is told that when it is necessary because all children need to learn they can't just click their fingers & their parents will jump. At times, yes he does need to wait his turn. He has a younger sister & when I'm tending to her or making his lunch or cooking dinner, I'm not just going to drop what I'm doing because he wants me to. Like the second commenter said, there is a happy medium & he does need to learn to have patience, just like the rest of us, otherwise it isn't equally fair in any household. But like I also said, I show him lots of attention & he certainly is not told to wait all the time.
Hi, maybe im wrong then. You know whats best & you're with them. Saying i think he is screaming out for attention i am looking at his feelings, it is not a judgment on you or a reflection on what percentage of time you give him, i was not accusing you. i tell them wait too & of course there are times they need to. I agree they can and do wait, but CAN being the important part. If at the moment he feels pushed into it without support it will cause discomfort, unease, fear and resistance, as he's showing. what I'm suggesting is to up your support level for a short time to get him back in his comfort zone, thats all. All the best whichever you decide.
My son will be four in September and I found he was starting to get like this he is the middle child I found if I was doing something like cooking dinner I would give him a job to do like set the table and it made him feel he was helping and got him out my hair :)