Can you trust & believe in some-one who says 1 thing & does the opposite?? If not, how do you try make him (ex-partner) understand that l've lost trust in him & that he needs to be straight to the point & stop letting me & my daughter (doesnt belong to him) down??
He lies & denies things against my family & friends when they have told me things what he has said to them & l've also caught him out in his own lies. Its like he forgets what he says. I dont understand why he does this?? He denies having a Learning problem that he only had that as kid. l googled Learning problems, it says they have short & or long term memory loss. How am l meant to be understanding of some-one like this??
When we 1st got together (3 years ago) lm positive he wasn't like this, until this past year.
We have a 4 months old baby, his Father lives with him in a 1 bedroom Unit (he owns a house & plans to rent it out. The Unit is behind the house)
He wants access visits of his daughter, have her overnight/s but his Father was accused of touching his daughter many years ago.
I asked the accused Father of these allegations & he denied it, said his daughter is a trouble maker, tells people lies etc. l never thought much more about it knowing l would never put my eldest daughter in his care on her own & without any other adults around. My ex partner doesn't believe his Father would do that & says his sister is full of lies etc. He rang his sister out of my sight/hearing & she rang to tell me she only made it up because the step mother bashing her.
What l am asking is, who do l believe, can l really trust my ex partner & his family with all their lies??
My ex partner refuses to believe his father would do something like it, says his sister is a liar, makes up stories & he can't seem to see things from my point of wanting to protect our daughter from any harm. He is all for his own daughter now & has since chucked my eldest daughter (5) aside whom he took on the role of Dad. She feels it & it has really hurt & upset her. He has let me & eldest daughter down on many occasions & doesnt see anything wrong with it. As much as he tries his best to be a Dad, l feel he has alot to learn about raising a baby the proper way without taking short cuts. Doesnt make bottles the correct way, wasnt holding baby's head properly, won't clean her dirty bum & would rather put her straight in the bath without cleaning her bum. I try to show & teach him the right way or is it so called my way, but he won't listen or walks away. He feels lm criticising him.
We went to Counselling & the Counsellor said My daughter has to accept that we are not together, that its a fact of life & it's normal for him to want to be a Dad to his own daughter.
I dont agree with this & feel its very wrong in my eyes. How do l explain to my eldest daughter that he longer has to be Dad to her anymore & only to his own daughter??
Ex partner is 40 years old, our daughter his 1st child, hardly had many r-ships & l was his longest of 2 & half years. He seems controlling, everything had to be his way or no way, l felt he was Emotionally abusing me which he denies, had no respect for me, no manners, lacks Empathy & Understanding. While l did all the compromising for him & go with flow, he was happy. He stopped doing what it took to get me, buying Valentine's &Birthday gifts (l got nothing from him after 2 years)
What am l meant to do with all this situation??
Ex-partner & his family lies.
Ex-partner & his family lies.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Baby & Toddler
5 Replies
Firstly, walk away and distance yourself and your family from them. If your ex wants to see your 4mo together than thats fine, but not overnight and not to leave your side. after all, the baby is 4 months old and needs mummy.
Secondly, he is NOT your daughters father. the sooner you accept it, the sooner she will accept it. Kids are adaptive and trust me, after a while she won't care. Do NOT leave your daughter with him or his father. there is no need - THEY ARE NOT FAMILY anymore! You only need to explain to your daughter that he is not her dad. simple. stop making it harder than it is.
Keep going to counselling. it will help in the long run.
Distance yourself, stop engaging. Unfortunately he doesn't have to be your daughters father so accept that. The idea is probably hard and heartbreaking for you but that's the fact it's best to deal with it. Tell her she also has her own dad, it's not him.
It'll be good while the baby's young she won't realize he'll see the baby small doses for awhile until she forgets and she will become used to the situation. Kids adapt better than we give them credit for.
About dad's visitation, sort it out and stick to it, he'll only get minimum visits while baby's young.
Then you don't have to engage with him at all.
About fil, you've heard the allegation so you have a duty to protect your baby. Take it directly to mediation/lawyers, stop engaging with them.
Walk away!!! Don't believe any of them. They are all incredibly toxic. Start thanking your lucky stars your eldest daughter doesn't have to see them anymore.
The counselor is right your daughter and you need to let it go. He isn't her dad and you need to make sure you aren't venting about him around her.
If he wants to see the baby make him go through mediation first. Ask for supervised care.
Learn from this, never ever ignore red flags. There are too many red flags.
I don't believe anything any more, if he wants to convince me of something it needs to be in writing from his employer or a third party agency involved on company letter head and photo copies will not suffice....he has tried that on...cut and glued the HR DOJ letter head onto a piece of paper along with his typed BS and photocopied it....
I would demand Supervised Visitation, sounds like his issues means he isn't able to adequetely care for her. ask for assessments to be carried out by the court in relation to his capacity. this is an issue of safety and one which should be easy enough to prove.
I'm sorry I have no advice. I can't imagine having to tell my 4 yr old that 'dad' is no longer apart of her life but is part of baby's.
I know she's still young enough to get over it but she's old enough to remember and possibly be damaged by this. Please get a counselor in to talk with her and help her understand on her level