Hi sisterhood. Please bare with me as I will try explain this as best possible.
I was with my ex for 4 years on and off. I was young, dumb and thought I was in love. He cheated constantly, became abusive and eventually I woke up and left. We do not have any children together because the one time he got me pregnant I had a termination as he had just left me for another girl.
Fast forward nearly 5 years, I'm in an amazing relationship and I'm really happy.
I got a phone call a few weeks ago from the mother of my exes children, during my relationship with him the mother and I always got along, we made sure of that. We chatted about the kids and had coffee together all the time.
She asked me what address we lived at in 2011 because there are now allegations that my ex molested his oldest daughter when she was 9 years old.
His daughter has held onto this for all this time and it only came out when both parents were considering a reconciliation. Being the amazing mum she is, she consulted her two oldest daughters about this as he is their father and daughter number 1 broke down.
During my relationship with my ex he always treated his two daughters differently. The oldest has his last name and is spoilt but the youngest (only 10 months apart in age) has the mothers last name because he always doubted paternity. She is a split image of him.
I feel rocked to the core after this being revealed to me. I trusted this man and I loved those girls so much. I think what makes it worse for me is he had the audacity to sleep with me after doing what he did.
I've been asked to give a statement for the police as this will be going to court, he has admitted it happened but is trying to blame his daughter for the instance.
I'm scared, the police have told me when it goes to court his lawyer will be able to get copies of statements from every witness. They have assured me that part of his bail will be to not contact any witnesses but what stops his friends?
Looking back on that time in my life I realise I was surrounded by a bunch of psychopaths and fear if they find out I made a statement they will come after me.
I had no knowledge of this occurring until I got that dreaded phone call but I still feel bad this girl has gone through this.
My current partner is fine with me making a statement if it means this monster is locked away. But I can't help but feel fear of what could happen.
I guess I don't know what I am asking. What would you do in my situation?
4 Replies
Make a statement, yes it will be frightening, and you may not know anything of use, but it's the right thing to do. Be brave for those girls.
Pedophiles are hated even amongst psychopaths and criminals so his friends will be going after him, not you.
A few things:
1. Are you being asked to give a statement and appear in court or are you legally required to appear? One is optional and one you will have no choice but to appear and tell the truth.
2. Will you be able to live with yourself if you don't do your bit to help those girls, given how much you say you love them?
3. You will need to weigh up the risks to your own safety? Is it just a fear or does he or his friends have a history of harassing you (after your break up)? If he does contact a witness it is a very serious breach
If it were me, I would make the statement.
Make the statement and help that poor little girl. Even he or hid friends threaten anything get restraining orders against them. How can a father blame his 9yr old girl for him.molesting her is beyond me. Help lock this scum bag up
He can't use third parties to contact witnesses either it comes back to him.
I would provide a statement. It wouldn't be the first time