Ex and nurse GF think they know better?

I have 2 DD 13 & 11. My ex and his new partner (a nurse) seem to think it is ok to be making decisions regarding the girls without me knowing. I feel I am playing catch up all the time.

When my now 13 DD got her period she begged me no to tell her father. So in the interest of her health, I told him on the sly and asked that he not make a big deal out of it. Her Aunty took her to the chemist and they bought some pads for his house. I felt like I had betrayed her but he needed to know. He is her Dad, and they spend 1 week a fortnight with him. How could I not tell him.

last year I found out that his new girlfriend had bought her a menstrual cup for use at their house. She (the girlfriend) also told her to use a tampon (at age 12) when swimming at their house. All without my knowledge.

I confronted them about it and it became a shit slinging match because I was trying to dictate to our DD 13 what menstrual aids to use and not letting her make a decision for herself where GF was "helping" her with different aids etc

also last year, he took her to a psychologist to talk about her feelings and other things, without my knowledge or consent, and then failed to tell me about it. I then had to play catch up with the specialist only to find out he hadn't taken her for nearly 12 months and only a few times. He made out like he was taking her fortnightly. It took me quite a few text messages and phone calls to find out her name even. I spoke to the specialist and she told me DD 13 issues were more about school than the divorce.

Before Christmas we sat down and had a coffee and he told me he was sick and tired of the GF ramming down his throat all the disorders and diseases that the girls might have and he was glad he didn't ask her to marry him when he did. He said the new disorder was that DD 13 had a memory disorder (can't recall the name) but basically she could be given a list of tasks verbally and not remember what was after the first one. He said the GF wanted to take DD 13 to a speech therapist and have her assessed. I said I called BS but if they wanted to take her go ahead and let me know the outcome.

I have since found out from DD13 that he has indeed taken her and she was diagnosed with early childhood asperger's but there was nothing we could do for her as she had basically outgrown it.

I am livid that a) he didn't share this diagnosis with me, and b) now I ask him what was the name of the specialist and he a) can't recall her name, b) can't remember where her office was, c) she has shut up shop and moved states to be closer to her family.

I once again want to call BS on the whole deal but DD 13 says she actually went, so now I don't know what to do.

The court orders say that we have to make joint decisions on the girls health, religion, education etc but he and GF think it is OK to not include me. He also tells the kids things like "Don't tell mum, she will lose her shit!"

True, sometimes I do over react to things he says and does, but only because I have no communication with him on anything unless I initiate it and it becomes all out war, but this is my children he is using a pawns in his game of life, and I quit playing a long time ago, but they are trapped until they are adults I am afraid.

Sorry it is so long winded, I am just so frustrated!

Where do I go from here. Am I over reacting?