I'm not sure where to start.
I have a 3yo and 1 on the way. My 3yo has always been such an amazing kid, so easy going but in the last 3 months he has turned into the devil. He doesn't listen, he's defiant, he won't do anything he is asked and it is like he is going out of his way to be naughty and now I'm at the end of my tether.
There have been a few changes in our lives over the last 3 months - i got a promotion at work and now as a consequence am working more and not long after my promotion started he moved into the older class at day care.
I have tried everything from talking/reasoning / explaining to yelling /ignoring /smacking him. I hate using yelling and smacking as a consequence.
Tonight was particularly hard when he wouldn't do anything I asked and I got to breaking point. If i had of smacked him I am not sure that I would have stopped. Instead I broke down and cried and cried. My hubby was so good and in the end I spoke to DS (he gets upset yo see mummy crying). But I don't want to get to breaking point every single time.
Please no judgement on my honesty. I love my son more than anything else and the last thing I want to do is hurt him. I just need some advice on tackling this behaviour.
3 Replies
Well it's kind of common for a 3 year old to be testing boundaries, but doesn't mean it can't be worked on. Consistency is key. Firstly cut back on how many demands you set for a little while. Because that just creates a battle ground and if all they hear is do this, do that, don't do that then they will tune you out. Rather than asking him not to do something tell him what to do instead. When you tell him to do something make sure you have eye contact so you know he has heard you. Give the instruction eg get your shoes. Count to three in your head. If he hasn't gone, then repeat the instruction and lead him by the hand to get his shoes. This way they learn that it's not going to work ignoring and they might as well go do it! If he goes praise the shit out if him, maybe introduce a token chart etc.
My son was like this when he was 3 aswell. I swear terrible twos has nothing on 3yr olds. I started a reward chart with gold stars once he got 10 in a row he was aloud to choose from a lucky dip box. They where just cheap toys i got from the $2 dollar shop. It worked a treat first couple of times he got stars for really easy things then harder things and then when he was naughty a star gor removed. He was soon doing everything i asked to earn his gold stars.
Spend some time alone with him every day, even if it's just five minutes at bed time to just lay down next to him and give him a cuddle. Take him out on a mummy and son date for a milkshake or something if you can. Come up with some house rules together- having him help with the process might help him understand them better. When he packs his toys away or has a job to do put on his favourite song, dare him to have it done by the time the songs finished and do some of it yourself at the same time telling him you bet you could be finished first. As for punishment- every child is different. Some hate sitting in a corner, others hate going to their room, its just a matter of finding which one works best for you! Lastly, I've found with my sons when they're being naughty or acting out that sometimes they just need a big bear hug and for someone to ask what's really wrong with them. Good luck with it all Mumma x