Hi lovely ladies, I'm after some advice on how to help my sister in law she is in an abusive relationship she has 3 beautiful children but is putting this man before her kids (he is not the father) her friends and I have all tried to tell her to leave and offered to help her but she won't. She is openly talking about the relationship being domestic violence but every time he says sorry she lets him back in to her and the kids lives. She is in desperate need for counselling but how I can I make her go?? How do we build up her self esteem when it is so low. Every time they are on a break she will have a one night stand to get back at him so she is not completely a victim but she is clearly unwell. Any advice would be great
Dv help for my sister in law how to get her out??
Dv help for my sister in law how to get her out??
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
4 Replies
Oh man, it's painful to watch! I went through a similar situation with a relative. She did get out eventually but it took hitting rock bottom for her to do it. There isn't much you can do other than point out her good qualities and be ready to support her if she does decide to go to counselling. These guys are fantastic at telling women what they want to hear to get them back and because the victim is lonely and scared and low self esteem she wants to believe it. Maybe get some advice from a DV group but she has to want it for herself and her kids. Leaving and stating left takes really hard work and cutting ties completely.
What she said ^^^
Also, she is probably being manipulated and confused and trapped into thinking & rationalising & acting certain ways. You can be her guiding light to whats 'normal'. Remind her no woman deserves it, don't spin it to blame her or other people for upsetting him, in every situation, gently show her that he is the cause for her fear and issues and dramas. Show her the way is not to cower and diffuse and apologise & please him, but to not accept it, to stand up & be treated right or leave. Remind her she is not obligated to make it work, whether he means well or not, he is the one doing damage and she deserves the simple, uncomplicated life she would have without him.
Im sorry but you can't make her leave. Only she can make the choice to get help and get out. All you can do is be there and support her.
Read SAM KILSBY's response. The Dog of a husband needs to be confronted. He will try to isolate your sister more (I'm sure this is already happening), but a first step needs to be done to shift the power into your sister's hands. She has more of the relationship power than she realises -
1. She can get sole custody of the children with proper documentation (photographs injuries, doctor assessments, email diary (time stamped))
Explain that this is a pre-step. Something she can do without having to decide any action. So when the time comes to act, all the prep has been done and will not be a source of worry at a critical point.
2. Financial security for peace of mind - contact centrelink for options
3. She will only seek counsel in people who are non-threatening.
4. The children. Are you an option to take them? This is really damaging for them. I'm not sure how you can help them, but they need help now. Call children's services and find out all the answers - where can the children go to? What contact will they have with their mum and dad?is removal an option?What needs to be in place for them to be returned to her?