I've been in a relationship for 5 years and counting...we're a blended family. My OH and I have 2 very different views on discipline and tonight I've seen a side of him that has now got me doubting this relationship.
My son (previous relationship) jumped 1/4 of the way down our stairs at home, as kids do and wanted to discipline him with a wooden spoon or belt!! The thing is his children (previous relationship) do the same thing and he has never disciplined them the way he wants to displine my son! Of course I pointed out the obvious and the double standards and would not allow it to happen which resulted into an argument to the point where he was threatening to beat me with a belt...he shoved me around and whacked me across the face a couple of times with a cushion, the impact was so hard it gave me a blood nose! Telling me to shut my mouth because I was stating the obvious! He's never done this before EVER and in front of my son and our 2 children we have together!
This has made me rethink and doubt this relationship we have...I'm really upset! I'm ok not hurting or anything, I'm just emotionally dumbfounded!
I don't ever want to be afraid of the one person I love and am spending my life with...I don't know what's going on in his head?!
Im ready to leave this relationship...even tho it's a one off, whose to say it won't happen again when we have two different opinions on the way we raise our kids!
What would u do?!
Double standards, Different opinions on raising a blended family...resulted in a physical conflict!
Double standards, Different opinions on raising a blended family...resulted in a physical conflict!
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Kids
12 Replies
Im with you, once is one time too many. Pack your bags and your kids and leave. What if you hadn't been there to stop it?????Contact the police so its on the record. Leave before you don't have the strength to do it.
Love just isn't worth that and safety and our kids have to come first.
Leave. Now. I was in this instance and it became more frequent, more abusive and even more scary. I lived in fear for MONTHS. Hundreds of bruises. Please leave now.
Run don't walk run!! Get out now before it gets worse!
Talk to him first. I am in NO WAY condoning domestic violence but since you said he has never done this before than maybe theres a deeper issue behind it.
However, i applaud you for standing up for your son and not allowing him to be hit, i wish more mothers were like you.
Very clear rules need to be set between you two on discipline, and if he wants to use violence (wooden spoon etc) as a way to punish a child and you dont agree then there will be conflicts in the future.
Thanks for that, I will definately be talking to him about it all, as I definately feel there is more to it...I'm not making up excuses for his poor behaviour either as some may think.
It wasn't so much the wooden spoon (my parents used that method on me lol) but the reason for it (the stair thing) but I have never laid a hand on his children from previous relationship...it just wasn't him...
I think it is against the law to use a wooden spoon these days. Don't stay, fine talk to him but he needs to sort his shit out while you and the kids are safe!
When you choose to talk to him please do it from a safe place, no one wants to see you or the children hurt.
Now is the time to show your children that being treated inappropriately should NEVER be accepted. Leave. One time is one time too many.
- but if you stay, please, please make sure you follow up with care for your children. They need to know there are consequences for those kinds of actions and that it is never okay. If you leave it you will be setting precedence for their future. It may not look like much now, but emotionally, these incidents have a way of leaving scars that you wouldnt believe. So much love and strength to you.
I agree with that statement. ^^^
Domestic violence does leave scars. Mum, myself and siblings were all emotionally and physically abused and I still struggle with it. My brother is now a woman basher and my sister has been in abusive relationships. We've grown up thinking that shit is normal. One woman every week is killed by their partner/ex partner. Domestic violence is so prevalent. Show your children that it's not right and you deserve better. One time is too many. My mum stayed 28 years. 28 years of her life wasted on a man who beat her all the time. I am angry at both of them. Dad for hurting us, mum for not saving us. Please think of your children. If you won't leave for yourself, do it for them.
Follow your gut. It's always right
You asked what I would do .... If frikkin leave as fast as I could.
Leave!! You don't deserve to be treated like that and this is how it starts. Especially in front of your kids I would not put up with that.
Get out immediately, if u don't you will send the msg to him and the kids that this is ok. Violence is a zero tolerance one strike and your out. Go to the police or other govt service and make a statement so it's on record. Big hugs, be strong for your son : )