I am a step mother and have been for over 4 years. When does it get better with the kids mother? It feels like she cause drama for fun. She doesn't realise it is only the kids she is hurting. I would love to be able to do things as a big blended family so the kids are happy and not torn between two houses. I am not trying to take the kids mothers place, I just want to be another adult that loves them and they feel safe with. The mother has a new partner as well so surely it can't be jealousy?
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Although my ex hasn't moved on into a serious relationship yet (and it's been quite a few years since we split) I can't imagine having another woman mother my children part time. I think it is a very very difficult thing to deal with. It probably is jealousy, not so much jealousy because of your partner but jealousy that she feels her place as a mother is been stepped on. It isn't right how she is acting, and certainly she should grow up and do whats best for the kids and respect you as been a part of their lives but you have to understand she is probably coming from a place of hurt. I don't know when it will get easier for you but i'm sure it will. There is nothing you can do to change her behaviour you'll just have to learn how to accept it and also learn where to put your foot down and say enough is enough. Good luck!
Some families just don't ever do the big blended family thing ever. Sometimes it takes until one of the kids gets married.
Lots of families do two birthdays, two Christmas, two whatever's.
I don't believe the kids are always hurt by this, unless someone is putting stuff in there ears that that is what they are like.
It hasn't gotten any easier for us. I've never met their mother or even spoken to her (no big events jave come up) but she continually puts me down in front of the kids despite them telling her not to.
We've just given up. She has stopped being difficult about them bringing things between houses but still goes nuts if I drop them off.
I hope it gets easier for you. My partner is just hanging out until they're 18 and it's only special occasions we will need to have contact.
Unfortunately, sometimes it just doesn't get better.
My parents (Mum and step-dad) have been together for 21 years and still his ex (my sister's mother) is a trouble maker.
Our parents just made sure they created a beautiful loving family. She does not factor into our equation anymore.
Unfortunaty it never gets easier. I've been in this situation for nearly 11 years. At first I wasn't allowed to have anything to do with him, then I was going to be his new mum, then we had an issue and she was on the doorstep asking for another child to him. it's been the biggest roller coaster ride of my life. And now she's moved away and he lives with us; you think that would make it simple but no...just do what you can.
... She was asking to have another baby by him?? Ewwww
I'm a BM and we have a SM.
She thinks she had tried to build a constructive relationship with me for years and recently told me she's done, threatened me by saying my child will see me for what I am and won't have anything to do with me.
The other thing is apparently I am controlling, condescending and vindictive.
Some of that is a massive stuff up on her part because I am very submissive, afraid of conflict and afraid of both of them with their bullying tactics.
I stood up for my child and believed him over them. That was a fatal mistake and I refused to fwd emails to the school which I send by my personal email. (I use one specifically for them.)
Best practice is you have court orders so follow those most of the time. Negotiate ahead time for special events and try not to step on her toes (ie show up at childs soccer practice while he is with his mother and try to use another child to get extra time with the child. This actually happened when my son was 6.)
I wouldn't force happy families. And she just may not feel comfortable with you both invading her space. I am pretty introverted and love routine. I like a schedule and it's pretty obvious that I like to sit on my own and I am useless at small talk. Don't force your personality on her or try to draw her out. She'll do that on her own or she wont at all especially if she doesn't trust you.
Accept that she doesn't want or have to be apart if your family. She's the mother of your step child but that doesn't mean she has to play by your rules/expectations just like you don't have to do the same thing. You have your house she had hers.
13 years down the track and it's no easier here.
I have been with my husband for 4 years now, it hasn't gotten better for me. He had been single for a while when we met. She started the messages of oh I am sorry I screwed up can't we get back together for the kids. She was trying to scare me off. I told her it would take more than that cause I loved this man. Fast forward 4 years and she makes sure to tell her kids every time they come here that I am not their mum, I can not tell them what to do and when speaking to my husband about me (even in front of the kids) I am the stupid F'ing, C*** B**** who is trying to steal her kids. It breaks my heart and makes me angry all at the same time. I have children to a previous hubby and needless to say he actually approves of my husband and says that I couldn't of found a better dad figure for my kids if I tried.
It confuses me and I truly don't see the situation ever changing. I only have another 10 years before all the kids are 18 and I don't need to worry about it anymore. Reading your story sounds so much like me......... hugs to you, I hope you guys find a groove that you can all be happy in...........
It never does I'm sorry to say. This very thing contributed to my own relationship with my ex to fall apart after we had our own children. And goes as far now as the older (half) sibling refuses to see his younger siblings because they 'aren't' his brothers and sisters.
I wish you all the best and good luck. Try and be patient. I do hope it improves for you. Just make sure your partner knows and understands how you are feeling.
I became a" step mother' at 19 there is 12 year gap between my husband and I the children varied in ages from 5-10?, I tried so hard to to fit in with the kids take them out to the park play board games took them to the zoo I tried really hard, there mum didn't make it any easier on anyone she didn't like me or the fact that her ex husband had found a younger woman, she never re partnered so maybe she was jealous? Times where tough with employment, money etc. there mother would never perk up and meet me if the kids where with us my husband would have to return the kids to the extend she wAs once in the car park to our place and rather than knocking on our door she rang their dad to bring them down. To this day 10 years later she still hasn't met me! As said before times got tough she would feed many bad throughts into the kids heads we had to move she would never meet half way, sadly my husband had to miss out on a lot of the there growing up because of the kids mother being an outright bitch, the kids become less interested in their dad. Many years later the oldest child has reconnected with my husband and now slowly getting involved with my and my husbands children. I could go on for hours!!! So to wrap it up you have to be the bigger person