I'm feeling quite invisible. I'm a young mother of 2 absolutely adorable kids (but I'm probably bias) and lately I've been feeling a bit down about my situation.
Here's how it is.... I had my daughter when I was 18, got married when I was 19 and had my son when I was 21. Throughout my marriage my husband was very selfish and only did things for himself. We never did anything as a couple or even as a family. While pregnant with my son I put on a lot of weight and I lost all my self confidence due to inconsiderate comments from my husband. We separated last year and our divorce is almost finalized. We have reached the point where our relationship now is very peaceful and we aren't bitter towards eachother.I moved from Sydney to Melbourne, so he can have a relationship with his kids, leaving behind all my family and friends (and no, I dont want him back! AT ALL!!
Ive had a lot of time to focus on myself and my kids but it gets quite lonely... I'm working and slowly making new friends, meeting lots of people but everyone is so much younger, like 19, 20, 21. I even gave a guy my number but he completely ignored me, which is fine, he probably had his reasons.
I have this voice in my head now that I won't find anyone because of my situation... deep down I know it's rubbish but I can't help but feel this way. So I guess my question is, are there actually guys out there that don't care if you have kids to a previous failed marriage?
How do I meet men old enough to deal with me and my kids?
Tell me there are men out there strong enough for my situation?!
Do these men exist?
Do these men exist?
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage
4 Replies
I was a single mum of 2 kids (under 2) in my early 20s after leaving my abusive ex and father to my 2 and thought i would be single for the rest of my life. I returned to my home town and started visiting old friends who i had lost contact with due to my ex. 1 day I went to visit someone and there was a guy there didnt think much of it was not interested at all. After I left that afternoon i recieved a txt msg saying this guys was interested in me. I fobbed it off didnt really want to get into anything serious. But the txt msgs kept coming invites to come see myfriend kept coming. I was worn down basically lol but shit 11 years later married for 8 Im glad i was. He has taken my 2 on like his own (they dont have anything to do with bio father) My kids call him daddy and he calls them his kids and is proud to do so. So yes there are guys out there. A lot of my friends have kids from previous relationships and have successfully moved forward with men that also have kids. There is hope.
Honey, there are so many men out there, you are probably looking in the wrong places.
Join some 'meet-up' groups, especially a singles group with people from your own age group. Also start trying sons internet dating. RSVP is probably a good start because it's not as expensive and will give you a chance to see there are so many guys out there who don't care if you have kids or not. It's also a safe way. You can state what age bracket you are interested in. And yeah you can find out if they are looking for relTionships or a fling very quickly. Yes you'll meet some dickheads, but it will give you a chance to fine tune your dating skills and learn how to spot the nice ones (yes it is a skill). I've met some awesome guys who dont give a shit that I'm fulltime carer to my severely disabled 20year old son. Really lovely guys, they just weren't for me (turns out I find relationships boring).
So please don't put limits on yourself, your life is by no means over. But in this day and age you've got to put yourself in the right places.
My partner of over 18 months is a good man. He is not the father of my girls. They are 8 and 10 however he loves them like his own. I have by no means a good figure, i was big when i met him but i have body and self image issues but he thinks i am a goodlooking woman with a big heart. He sees the good in me and i love him with all my heart. There is so such thing as perfect. Everyone has vices but he is kind and has a big heart as well and i think he is gorgeous. We have just found out we are expecting. It will be his first....good men are out there. They are just a little hard to find.
Desr IM, you can perhaps look at two concerns at the same time.If you are unhappy about your health and wellbeing, join a gym or a pool if you can afford it, and WALK LOTS if you can't.Be a friend to individuals you like, that lane swimmer in her 40s may like to have coffee afterwards and perhaps a younger brother or a pleasant housemate.If you can't manage a dog in your home, ask around whose dog needs walking(a young single mum friend found her now-husband when he had to work in Sydney three days a week and Rover needed walking!)best of luck.