When do you stop doing the "right" thing and put your child's mental/emotional safety first? My dd's father is in a relationship with a woman who constantly bad mouths me to my little girl. The latest two incidences consisted of her telling dd that I should be dead and that she was "done" with her. Do I tell them dd is not going back to them and if they don't like it they can take me to court? I know it won't be favourable in court for me to with-hold her but when do I say Enough is enough?? DD's father also bad-mouths me but not to the same extreme. Although he doesn't stop his partner from saying what she does. I have booked my dd in for a session with her counsellor but I really don't want to send her back to her fathers. If there was no bad-mouthing or emotional abuse I wouldn't even consider this but they are hurting my dd.
Do I stop sending DD to her father's?
Do I stop sending DD to her father's?
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Health & Wellbeing, Kids
7 Replies
stop sending her, if they cant act like adults, she shouldnt be there. Dad and his gf are immature idiots. obviously they dont respect her or you... let them take you to court, get organised and prepared.
I think if see what the counsellor says. Is there court orders in place? Have you told the dad you know what's going on? If it didn't change behaviour then I think I'd stop sending her. I would also get things in place ASAP to get arrangements changed legally. If you start the process fast I think that looks better.
The father knows exactly what is going on. He was standing there when his gf screamed out the window of her car that I should be dead. If she wasn't on the scene he wouldn't give a crap about his daughter. We made arrangements during mediation that he would call her every Tues and Thurs and then he turned around and said he's not doing it. I don't want to stop all contact between dd and the ex but it needs to be done away from the gf.
Can I ask what prompts this bad mouthing response in them? is there away for you to promote better relationship with the ex and new partner. See their point of view and what you can do will be more visible. You don't have to agree or like them to want a better more workable situation for DD..
I know its a shame that they are not able to take this proactive approach first and its childish/wrong the way they seem to process perceived injustices. I had to prepare my kids to ignore / deal with the barrage of crap from one of my ex's partners, turns out she thought I was using the kids to get him back - not the case but insecurities cloud judgements. An opportunity presented itself where I could swap a weekend visit to suit them having a weekend away and I readily agreed ( regardless that it wasn't all that convenient to me) this was a small thing but showed a willingness to compromise and support them. It was not a magic fix but small starting steps to continue to build a workable relationship. Ultimately the kids benefit.
If you take negative stance this situation will escalate which is not good for anyone. In a perfect world it would be great if we could have the outcome we want, wether that is more contact or less or none but as long as DD is getting what she needs from both parents that's the main thing .. Goodluck xx
I have tried to keep things amicable and peaceful between us. I even agreed to swap weekends on occasion but all to no avail. My ex is a narcissistic pathological liar who had filled his fiancées head with bullshit stories. We've attended mediation twice to no avail. We've been separated for almost 3 years and he's been with her since a couple of months after it ended. His gf has told my dd on a number of occasions that she wasn't welcome at their house again. She's also told her a couple of times that my ex is no longer her father. The biggest problem they have is that I am still on good terms with his mother so that she has a good relationship with her grandparents, aunties and cousins. The gf also doesn't have children of her own.
I feel for you and your dd. I have been where you are:( Sending you hugs!
I was forced (with mediation documentation) to put my ds in a toxic environment every fortnight for 6 years. For the last 6 years my ds cries every time his father came to pick him up. It would make me feel sick and anxious to watch him go and the feelings would continue until he was dropped home. He would come home with horrible stories about what had happened or what had been said by both his father and his fathers gf over his weekend visit. It came to the point that he wasn't performing at school, he was having issues with making friends and his attitude toward me completely changed. I tried to speak with his father about the issues but when I did everything was my fault and he was too busy to talk (New gf,new week and has also fathered 4 more children to 4 different women during this 6 years). So instead I took it upon myself to organize councilor and pediatrician appointments. This is the best thing I could have done! Sadly, the councilor was able to determine that all of the behavioral and new learning issues stemmed from his father's visitation.It also gave my ds ways to cope and speak with his father. My ds turned 10 this year and on his own accord has decided to stop visiting his father (with no reaction from his father). He is much happier in himself, his attitude and behavior has come leaps and bounds.
You do what your gut is telling you to do. You know what is best for your dd. Keep a diary of the horrible things that your ds comes home and tells you and her behavior and or emotions during this time. This will help you remember certain situations and or conversations. If they want to take you to court - let them. I wish you and your ds all the happiness in the world x
That's what I'm afraid of. That I will be forced to send her there.