I feel so lost . I found out 2 weeks ago I'm pregnant on my 4th and my 3rd is 9 months . Completely unplanned . I didn't tell my husband because we were ( currently on ) going on holidays something we have saved so hard for . So I thought just forget about it till we come back .ive looked in to a medical termination that I've known nothing about - it's taking a tablet to induce a miscarriage . I have it booked in for a few days after holidays . Even though it's against everything I believe . I had my 1st to so close together and it was so hard . On holidays a few times my husband has said how he would never like a 4th that he could never provide properly for it . I actually dread the thought if telling him incase he tries to talk me in to having it because I know in my heart he doesn't want it either but it's also something he doesn't believe in . I actually am thinking just doing the procedure with out him knowing . My brain is melting . I have 3 boys always wanted a girl desperately but feel I'm not lucky enough to have one ( I know I'm lucky with 3 boys ) oh if anyone can even make sense of what I'm saying please help x I'm terrified to have procedure and terrified not to !
10 Replies
Talk to your husband. You and your husband should be going through together and keeping it a secret and not working through it together will cause more problems in the long run. If he has been a good husband he deserves the right to be involved in this decision and the opportunity to support you through this
Please tell your husband. You will find all the support you need from him.
But if not having the baby terrifies you, then have it. You already have 3, you know how to to do it :)
Honey don't take this burden on your own and feel like you have to protect him. He would probably be hurt if he found out you made this decision without him. I would be telling him and talking through your options together. That's the only way you will know in your heart you have done the right thing. I'm sure once you tell him it will be a relief. All the best.
Tell your partner. I fell pregnant 4 months after meeting my partner and did consider a termination without him knowing. My sister told me that is the wrong thing to do, it needs to be a descioin made together and we need each others support. I'm so glad I told him. We now have a beautiful 18 month old. He was very supportive of me. This isn't only your burden to carry. Your partner knows the risks of having sex. Tell him, he may surprise you.
I have had 2 terminations... one when i was very young and one a year ago using the medical termination method you described. I think it's your body, your decision. Telling my husband I didnt want to continue with that pregnancy was really hard. We already had one child and wanted more but our marriage was rocky and I was preparing for major surgery. Timing and situation just wasn't in my favour. There is always regret and grief, but I know I did what was best for me at the time. I used to feel like it was a sign from God getting pregnant... but now I know it was testing my own courage and resilience to choose my future and that there is a lot that termination teaches you when you choose to terminate. I agree you should speak to your husband, but I wouldn't let him change your mind. Please don't have a baby because he says too or because you feel you have to. Whatever decision you make, be sure it is what you want to do.
Talk to ur husband.
You need to talk with your hubby. You don't want to make a decision on your own and then regret it later and if he found out afterward you don't want him to resent you.
Talk to your husband... Share the load with him, he has a right to help make this decision too. He will need to grieve the information and possible loss... The secret will slowly but surely eat away at you and possibly erode your marriage!
I found out last year that I was pregnant with my 4th baby.. My older three are teenagers or there snouts... I was gutted. We had always talked about the possibility of 4 but time escaped us and we decided against it as we were finally in a good spot... We considered all options and came to peace with having another baby. I fell into a really bad space while I was pregnant, I couldn't see another person fitting in to our family.. In February this year, she arrived and I cannot describe how thankful I am that we chose to have her. She has completed our family.. and we didn't even know that it was incomplete!! I now can't imagine life without her... My older kids adore her, my hubby is smitten (as he is with all of them!) and things couldn't be more perfect, even though I couldn't see that when I found out we were pregnant!
I was in the position last year. We have 2 children and i fell pregnant when my youngest was 5 months old. We decided to terminate even tho before i was very against the idea.the way we thought it out was having another would be a huge financial burden on us and we would never be able to give our kids all the things we want n they deserved. It might sound selfish but i wanted to be able to live without worrying how we would feed our children and keep a roof over their heads. I didnt want my first 2 children to have a less fortunate life. I was nervious n upset right up to the procedure but after i felt relief. I have thought about it a dew rimes since n wondered what if. But i know we made the right decision for our family and am making sure that sotuation never occurs again. Good luck to u. Xo
i had one, people will razz on me for this, but i didnt tell my partner. he was away. i went through with it, no problems. its a painfull afternnon think and exruciating period for a fw hours. when he came out i found out he cheated on me on that trip and although i forgave him and worked stuff out and i fell pregannt a year later i have zero regrets. im not sure we would have survived had i been pregnant. being able to work on everything without feeling i needed to for the baby, allowed us to heal properly. my gut said no way. but i had my mum to talk to about it. and she knows, my now husband still doesnt know. and he never would have gone through with it. it was against everything i beleived inn aswlel but at the time i just couldnt do it. and hindsight i think it was a gut feeling things wernt right with us.
i havent regretted it for a moment although i somehting look at my daughter and wonder... thats as far as i go. it was the right decision. i was 3 weeks pregnant. and it was a pill fail.
good luck. although i do think it should be a 50/50 decision sometimes we make selfish choices. im not a perfect parnter. and i know he has his secrets from me too (i found he out he cheated he didnt tell me and im sure here have been other times... ) i made that decision for me. and me alone. it was selfish. but i still dont regret it. its made both our lives better.
outsiders will read this and think we have a shit relationship. and you know what its not perfect. but here we are 10 years on. I love him. he loves me. we are marrying next week OS by ourselves with our daughter... it took us 9 years to build our realtionshipto where it is, and thats ok its our journey. and we are both great parents to our daughter.
good luck. things arent always black and white. do what you need to do. its ok to be selfish sometimes. xxx