I am struggling with parenthood, my daughter is 19months old and one of the naughtiest kids out. I will tell her off for doing something she isn't aloud i.e going into peoples toilets and making a huge mess or just doing stuff she knows is not aloud but continues on to do it. I have lost the plot and have no idea on how to discipline her as smacks don't work so I have given up, I will ignore some bad behaviour unless dangerous. I spend a lot of one on one time with her and that still doesn't work. My mum keeps making sly remarks to her like *you won't get away with it like you do with mum and dad* or you gotta learn and I'll teach you unlike mum and dad.... I try my hardest and it just doesn't seem good enough or enough :(. Also my mum has double standards, one grandkid can get away with something but as soon as my daughter does it she is screamed at, she has her 3 favorite grandkids and the restbare virtually pushed to the side like an inconvenience
4 Replies
Firstly this age is not the best age, ever heard of the terrible twos?
Ignore your mum. She isn't being helpful. And limit time with her. In fact don't have anything to do with her, she will do more harm than good to everyone.
Some kids are more adventurous than others :) my boy was just in to anything and on visits to other people's houses were nightmares! He grew into the best behaved kid later and we didn't get there by smacking or time outs. Not because I didn't try but because they didn't work!
Exhausting as it sounds I got there by watching him like a hawk! I would designate a space for him to stay in at someone's house and then if he moved out if that boundary I just returned him with a polite no and redirected him to a suitable activity. I'd even take a play pen or baby gate with me :)
My Daughter is 21 months she's at this stage too. It's not that they are being naughty they are finding their boundaries. It's a lot of repitition and constant reinforcement. When you go to mates places ask if you can close doors to areas that you don't want her entering (ie toilet and bathrooms) Limit contact with your mum. It's hard but if she has double standards and treats your daughter that way she's better off without that sort of negativity in her life and so are you. Your mum is expecting too much from a child her age. Smacking is a really harsh punishment for a child her age things like running onto a road or biting another child may deserve a smack but playing in a toilet is her experimenting. Every child is different. Keep trying different things you will find something that works for your daughter. Have a word to your mum tell her you think she is being too harsh and playing favourites she may not realise that she's doing it.
Please don't discipline a 19 month old..i have a 19 month old & at this age they are tiny little adventurers with amazing spirit trying to navigate the million rules in society & they have so much to learn. Try to remind yourself of how little they still are & find the patience they so desperately need from you. You are their teacher while they learn & their negotiator/protector when people make any negative comments. Stand up to your mum & explain that there is no such thing as a naughty child...there are tired children, under stimulated/teething/hungry/thirsty/inquisitive/curious or a million other reasons children may 'misbehave' in her eyes. Perhaps you could ask her when she see's behaviour she perceives as 'misbehaving' she could direct her energy to something more positive like trying to find out the why? Could be as simple as closing a door & redirecting his curiosity elsewhere or if he has loads of energy running around outside in areas he is allowed in...embrace your little bundle of energy & appreciate he doesn't know everything yet but he will soon :)
It's those sly remarks that make parenting awful sometimes! It's a bit passive aggressive. When your mum makes those remarks, I'd suggest saying politely but firmly, "Mum, she's 1, this is normal". Rather than disciplining at this age, lead her away from whatever it is she's doing (playing in toilet etc) and take her to do something appropriate. They are busy little people who need a lot of entertainment! My handbag was full to the brim with little toys (mini books box sets, toy mobile phone, little LED torch, notepad & pencil, etc), and snacks (crackers, cheese, grapes, etc) so that when we went out, I had something to distract them with. I still carry a few things around now, especially when I know we're going to be needing entertainment - like visiting friends who don't have kids, or waiting in a doctor's waiting room, etc. It can be a pain carrying all that stuff around but it was way better than dealing with a bored toddler - that's when they get into stuff they shouldn't! All the best xo