I am the person who wrote in a few days ago about declaring bankruptcy. I feel from some of the responses I've been given I should have given background information.
I live in a rural area which is why I have an 11,000 car. I need a reliable car and I have the safety of 3 children to consider. It's not as flash as it sounds, it is 9 years old but it's a car that's reliable.
The reason I am a single parent is I left my husband due to abuse. It is debt to a business and is business related debt (from his business), unfortunately it just happens to have my name on it too.
I am unable to work any extra hours due to dealing with anxiety and depression (my own) and traumatised children.
As for my savings, I don't have any credit cards etc. This has taken me quite a while to build up.
14 Replies
I'm sorry but when you signed your name to the business you did take financial responsibility for the business. I know your ex has done the wrong thing but that doesn't unfortunately discharge you of your responsibilities with the business. I know it must feel really unfair, it's also unfair to who ever it is the business owes money too. I personally would feel obligated to hand over my savings and at least make sure everyone gets a portion of the debt. Eg agree that you'll pay a total of 20000 which would leave you with lower repayments and I'm sure everyone involved would rather get some money than none. You may be able to get away with out filing bankruptcy that way, and will feel like you've done something to repair the damage to everyone and won't have the anxiety of bankruptcy on your credit report. I'm sorry your in this situation but unfortunately when we sign out name to something I feel we have an obligation to try.
I'm sorry you were so harshly judged in the FB post :( I briefly read some comments this morning and was horrified at some responses and judgements.
Please, in regards to bankruptcy, please consider it a last resort. obviously you have sought advice from a financial advisor and don't want to enter into this blindly. As a general rule, most financial advisors would recommend against bankruptcy on debts under $75000. I know it's not ideal paying off a debt that isn't entirely yours but if you are in a position that you can, I would strongly suggest you do pay it off. When I left my ex at 3months pregnant I walked away with nothing more than my car and clothes... and a $35000 debt for his calls to sex lines, store credit cards, power bills all in my name as I was the one working while he stayed home smoking pot all day. I worked my ass off right up til bub was born and entered into payment arrangements to pay off my creditors to retain my good credit standing. Bankruptcy must still be declared when applying for finance even after it is cleared from your credit file and can impact financial lending/contracts for many more years afterwards. Something as simple as a telephone connection can be refused on grounds of previous bankruptcy. If you are looking at the debt relief things that advertise "frozen debt, one easy repayment" it pays to keep in mind that these often have similar credit repercussions to bankruptcy.
Good luck to you in whatever you choose! I'm sure you will make the best choice for your own cirumstance :)
Im sorry you felt the need to explain your situation. After all it wasnt what you wrote in for. Coming from a business family I agree that paying something is better than nothing. But not at a serious cost to you and your children. Bankruptcy should be your last point of call in my opinion. Try not to make that decision out of desperation. Call one of the debt companies that others have spoken about. I really think you need some legal advice on this. Yes unfortunately your name is on it and in part your responsibility. But it is also his. Hope you're doing ok. X
Sorry if you felt judged , some of the responses were poorly worded but I still agree with them , iv seen my parents lose 800,000 + and everything in between due to bankruptcy and people were just seeing the people on the oter end who get stiffed . It really should be a last resort and you really can get a very reliable car for much less than that and I understand how hard it will be to part with the savings ( I recently wrote about losing a lot of my inheritance to my ex- i get it's not fair but neither is the other people losing their money and as harsh as it is to hear you took on the responsibility by allowing your name to be on it . Sorry I know that's going to be harsh given your circumstance but you can be stronger than this circumstance and your kids will be even more proud of you if you lead by example . You've already been so strong by removing yourself and them from a bad place, continue to show them how an honest , empathetic, responsible person would do . Good luck mumma xx
Sorry I cut out the bit where I wanted to say there's was a lot of good advice there as well , speak to debt consolidations , centerlink about your super , ect ect there are ways you can freeze interest as was mention ect ect xx
It sounds like you've decided to do it. If thats the case you don't need to justify it to anybody. You have choices, some would some wouldn't. Personally, i wouldn't for $40k, especially while you're in a position to negotiate because they cant take anymore from you. But, once Id decided to do it, I would do it smartly to cover yourself & save whatever you can. You're not in a bad position at all. Poor people don't have savings & cant afford a car whether they 'need' it or not. It seems more that you feel like its not your debt so you don't have to pay it & are looking for a way out of it. But, maybe if you took ownership over having your name on it & it being the result of your marriage, then you could consider taking on the debt & paying it off as a better option. Its a tough call, only you can decide, good luck either way.
I agree with the person who says that you should not have put your name on the business if you were not willing to be responsible if things went bad. It's not all about making money, sometimes you've gotta pay.
So, how do you afford an $11k car and manage to squirrel away $6000 if your doing it so tough? Obviously youre not that desperate if you can afford to save. My partner and I had $100k worth of debt that we paid while on Centrelink and raising kids without going bankrupt. It's all about communicating with the debtors and making arrangements to pay with them and doing the right thing. While you may want to imagine you can cut off your husband by shafting unknowing debtors out of their money, it's not real.
You've obviously gotten some medical assistance for your anxiety and depression (I would hope Couselling to deal with cause) and perhaps even have a support as you mentioned you're mother in Pt1 so you should be able to negotiate this without too much trouble. Responsibility can be a very hard thing, but if you can step up and be a single mum, then take responsibility for your choice to sign on to your ex husbands company.
Im not sure ifn anyone who is saying that she shouldn't have signed her name has ever been in an abusive relationship but did it ever occur to them that she didnt have a choice?
l am not trying to start any fights here but ladies you need a little compassion.
I am the child of an abusive relationship and a small business family and I know that my mother's name is on lots of documents she never signed herself or signed under duress.
This lady does not need to be judged and should not have to explain herself.
I was left with my savings depleted, car gone and a $14000 credit card debt at the end of my relationship. It wasnt mine but it was ours, regardless of how it was racked up. I sorted it out because he'd gone & its a price I paid because it was the remnants of my mess of a marriage & my name was on it. It was easier than dealing with him & giving any thought or energy to it. The point is not to look at how it was caused but to look to the future of how the two options could affect her life. I really think $40 k isn't worth going bankrupt over. It seems to me it isn't too hard to pay in her position, its her mental state thats telling her not to pay it. Who knows though, if thinking about him & that mess stresses her out every day for the next four years then maybe it is best to be bankrupt instead. Personally id view it as a victorious price for freedom ;) Only she can decide whats best for her.
I guess I see it as an opportunity to stop crying victim (whether she is a victim of abuse or not as sadly I've met some ladies who aren't as genuine as they sound, not saying this lady isn't) but its a chance to stop going "hubby made me" or "I had no choice" now she does have a choice. She can keep laying blame and being a victim and playing on her story OR she can go "no more victim, I'm going to get up and be responsible and not worry about him anymore".
Differing perspectives I suppose. I just don't see any point in focusing on him and saying he's the cause of all evil (and yes in some relationships they are, and maybe he was here) but relationships are made by agreement from two people. So she chose him (she did Not choose abuse so don't read me wrong) she loved him and is forever connected in that he is the father of her children, but she can't carry on the victim cry of "he ruined my life" it's time to go "this is our life. Me and my children, lets win this".
I wrote this post.
I do not see myself as a victim.
I do not see my children as victims. None of you who responded have any idea of the hell we've been through and come out the other side.
I came here looking for maybe some sort of understanding, I can see I was wrong.
(Im the child of dv) Im sorry I did not intend to paint you as a victim. I also dont count myself as one, its just a part of my life that we have moved on from now. Its such a hard thing to try to get people to understand.
You've done all the right things with regard to getting legal and financial advice so I think that if declaring helps you start fresh and leave it in the past then go for it.
No one will ever truly know how strong you are. I hope what ever you choose that it is the start to your happily ever after x
I'm sorry you haven't found the understanding you were looking for about declaring bankruptcy.
The reasons why, while awful, really aren't the focus.
Everyone's story is different and any story of abuse is painful and hellish.
It seems that you are defending your seemingly already made choice. I hope it works out well.
I wish you had of just written in saying you've been to hell & back, escaped & are now single but lumped with this debt. You would've got bucket loads of support & people saying do whatever you have to do to move on.
Its just the way you asked for advice on this, and you're linking the past as the reason to say its a necessity to declare bankruptcy, yet without the emotional involvement its a situation that many people can see financially doesn't require it. They're trying to help you.
Also no we don't know how heavy the emotional side is weighing on you. It may be in your best interest to bankrupt if thats what takes care of your wellbeing at this point. Either way the decision is yours & Best of luck with a fresh start to a life full of happiness.