I have always been an anxious person (and one who has always struggled against lack of control in certain situations) but my anxiety has been through the roof in the past 6 months or so, mainly around health issues.
We have none. Seriously. We are a pretty healthy family. My daughter, who is nearly three, and my husband and myself - we are rarely sick. We get the odd cold but that's about it. I read ALL the time that there are viruses around, and I don't think a week goes by that a friend doesn't post on Facebook or tell me in person that they have, or are getting over some nasty virus. Most of these viruses are harmless in the long term. A few days to a week and they're gone. No big deal. But the thought of one or all of us coming down with any of them terrifies me. I am at a point where the thought of catching up with friends is a scary prospect, in case they have or are incubating some nasty bug. I struggle to even go out of the house a lot of days without being armed with antibacterial gel and telling my daughter not to touch this or that because I see every touchable item as possibly harbouring nasty germs.
I realise that this is completely irrational and I recognise that this is anxiety which is getting the better of me. I'm shaking and crying as I write this because even thinking of it gets me into a state. I probably should talk to my GP about this, but even the idea of going to a GPs office frightens me (because, sick people!).
I feel like my anxiety is holding me back in so many areas, and by extension it is holding my daughter back. I want her to be a person who likes socialising (I don't like it that much) and who has confidence in social situations. At the moment she rarely sees other children because we live in a new area and I pass up so many opportunities to meet new people.
I don't know what to do next. If you've gotten this far (it turned into far more of an essay than I intended!), thank you.
5 Replies
Firstly hang in there. You know what your thinking is irrational and that is a really good sign. I know from personal experience how debilitating anxiety can be. I found a course of meds and cognitive behavioural therapy a huge help and worth the initial discomfort of seeking help. Do what ever you can to see your GP even if that means wearing a surgical mask. A lot of clinics provide masks for people who have flu symptoms so you won't look out of place. Perhaps leave your daughter with someone so you only have to worry about you at the drs. I would probably book a long appointment to make things easier for the GP to help you properly.
Could be OCD?
You need professional help. If you find it too hard to sit in a GPs office I would try and get a home visit. The anxiety is a condition of another issue which is your germ phobia and that could have a further underlying cause too. At the moment you are robbing your daughter of the chance to build her own immunity naturally, by not letting her get outside and get dirty and be exposed to these things she is unable to build immunity against it, so she will end up getting sick if she does something 'dirty' which will then prove to you that you are right. You are also doing the same thing to yourself. I know how much anxiety sucks, I live with it everyday and panic attacks are terrible but you need to push yourself to get help. You don't have to live like this and you don't have to make your family live like this either. Ask your husband for help, get him to accompany you to the GP if you cannot get a home visit. Anxiety of doing something can be lessened with a support person around.
Of you can get help do. I was afraid to ask or admit it. I spent 20years(even as a child) with same feelings was OCD about it as well last year I finally allowed my children to play in a park(always made sure yard at home was fun enough) I carried sanitise, nappy wiped:/ showered as soon as we got home and much more especially flu season avoided being out. You are not alone but please get help you are admitting it so that is the wonderful.
Hang in there, your not alone, I have OCD and it's awful if I go to the gp i have to have a shower afterwards. I went to the gp to get help initially and I'm getting cognitive therapy. It's not an easy road to get better but do it at a pace that's comfortable for you. I got to the point my hands were bleeding because I was washing them so much. I was also making my daughter shower after she did a poo. My psychologist equated that if there was a room with people in it, one with OCD. If I lion was in that room and it pood, they would be more focused on the fact there's poo on the floor. Just know your not alone and there is loads of help out there. Has anything triggered your anxiety to be worse? My OCD is related to my PTSD.