I need help with my nearly 3yr old daughter. We are having trouble with behaviour and meltdowns, for example this morning she went outside to play, I found her with the metal stick thing that pokes into the ground from our gate, so I obviously took it away from her, she lost it, and spent the next half hour screaming and crying trying to get hold of it, nothing worked, nothing I could do would 1, get her to stop trying to take it from me and 2 just calm down in general. After about half hour she relaxed and moved on. These meltdowns seem to be getting more regular. I'm not a softy on discipline, my older child is beautifully behaved and stops at just the raise of an eyebrow. Its always over the most ridiculous things, I could explain and try talking to her until I'm blue in the face, the other day she wanted to go in the pram at she shop which I didn't have, I even showed her it wasn't in the car, she just kept repeating the word 'pram' and crying. She becomes completely irrational over some of the most basic things.
We are also having trouble with toilet training, food she hardly eats and bedtime (she keeps wanting to sleep on a kids pull out lounge).
I need tips on dealing with this without loosing my cool as it's getting incredibly frustrating, and also ways of helping stop the behaviour, maybe some calming techniques. I've never delt with this with my eldest she always listened. I've had my little ones ears tested, all fine.
Dealing with meltdowns
Dealing with meltdowns
Posted in:
Behaviour
3 Replies
Firstly, I wouldn't talk to her while she is crying. Take the object or whatever away, put it out of sight if possible explain once, then no more interaction until she has calmed down (just get on with what you were doing like she isn't crying). If you keep talking it's possible she thinks it's still up for negotiation when it's not just reigniting her frustration. Different kids have different personalities so need different techniques. If the tantrums don't get better after a few months of doing that then I would consider seeing a psychologist who can rule out anything else that may be going on and give you some parenting techniques to help. PS whenever you change techniques behaviour sometimes gets worse for awhile (it's called a burst) that's when most parents give up, but if they push through it would've gotten better.
Hi I work in childcare and agree with previous comment. I would not talk to her when she is crying. When children start turning 3-5 we really try and encourage them by saying they are big girls now, they aren't babies. Tell her you don't understand her when she is crying/yelling or winging and she needs to talk properly and normally for you to hear and understand her. Do not negotiate with her at all until she is calm enough to talk properly..until then I would put her in her room or remove her from the situation (if at home). Unfortunately when your out in public as you just mentioned the shops it is much more difficult. If she starts crying I would tell her she needs to stop then take her home and say she won't be going anywhere or doing any activities until she behaves. If your short on time try and distract her. Sometimes it's good to plan on avoiding a meltdown before it actually happens, for example if you know at the shops she is very likely to be a bit naughty try and have her focus on something exciting. So on the way over in the car say "Okay we're going to the shops now to find some ingredients for dinner and I really need your help! Can you help me find ____" "Maybe after dinner we can make a cup cake, would you like to help me find the cup cake mix?". Let her take her favourite teddy or a snack to nibble on. Good luck!
My mum used to sit down with her back to my little brother, and talk soft enough that he could just hear her but not actually know what she was saying. He'd get so curious that he would calm down a lot quicker and end up sitting on her lap singing softly or talking/reading a book softly. Mum found that was the only way to distract him from whatever he was upset about, while also calming him down and relaxing him quickly. I do agree with not directly talking to her while she is so worked up as the previous posters have said, I know I get annoyed when someone keeps going on and on at me when I'm upset lol. She is at an age where she has realised she is no longer a baby, so it's hard for her because she wants to be "grown up" and independent but also still wants to be mummys "baby" if that makes sense? It really is a tough age for them, so try an be understanding of that when you choose your tactics when it comes to dealing with the situation and any punishment that may follow. If you haven't already, check food intolerances as this can have a huge affect on some kids behaviour (my son loses it whenever he has MSG, so he gets no packaged food whatsoever and only the occasional treat - I have to do a lot of home baking these days lol). And remember, it doesn't last forever even though it might not feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel just yet!