I'm in need.of.some advice!
Hubby has been keen on the idea of moving to the other side.of the.country for a few years now. We have planned to move once, however about two months out from moving date, circumstances changed and we were unable to go.
I am not.completely opposed.to moving there (obviously as we had planned to move once before), however now we have a young son and I hate the idea of taking him away from family.
Some of this comes from the fact that I always grew up with grandparents and uncles and aunts around and couldn't imagine not having them. But the biggest part is that my mum makes me feel so guilty any time I even mention the possibility.
My parents own a house about 12hrs away from where I'm living currently abd while they live in the same town now, they have plans to move as soon as they get work. My mum is so narrow minded, she is always going on about how hubby, our son and I should move up there and I know it's out of selfishness because she wants us close to her, not because she's thinking about what's best for us as a family. I know it'd be great to have them close by and they are so supportive in every other way but there is absolutely no work up there. She's always suggesting that hubby should forget about his current career (working with cranes) and just get a truck driving job as there's always jobs for truck drivers advertised up there.
My brother who I'm super close to moved to Perth (where hubby wants to go) about a yr ago so I do have him there, However he is currently working FIFO so is away on site most of the time. I don't want to move until he's not working FIFO (he has plans to stop FIFO to open his own business within the next 6-12months) but then even when that happens I don't know how to make my mum see that she needs.to think about what best for us rather than what she wants to happen.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
3 Replies
Stop worrying about what everyone else wants and is doing. Just do it. If it's right for your partner, you and child then it's right.
Yep growing up around grandparents and extended family can be lovely but no child will ever end up in therapy because they didn't.
I grew up interstate from my grandparents and I have amazing memories of when they came to visit. Visits were truly quality time, and holidays. It didn't damage my relationship, in fact closer with my grandparents than the cousins who lived close by.
I had the opportunity to live in a different state to my parents a few years back. Just me and my son. It was the BEST experience. Even though I was an adult I gained so much confidence in my ability to do it on my own. It was a great experience. My son loved it to, and loved having visits from his grandparents in school holidays etc.
I was in a very similar position to you. My husband and I wanted to move states for various reasons and my mother kept saying things like you're taking my grandchildren away from me, I'll never see you again because we'll never be able to afford to come see you (they've already visited once in the past year, and we've visited them once) etc. But at the end of the day the decision was between myself and my husband. We did what we thought was best for our family and even though I still get the guilt trip every single time I speak to her, I just ignore it now. We explained why we were moving but she chose to ignore it and continues to be selfish.
Decide what is best for you and your family and do it. Your mother is the only one who can control how she reacts, and she can either be selfish and push you away, making you feel guilty all the time, or she can decide to support you and continue to have a good relationship with you. It's up to her.
Good luck, I know how hard it can be moving away from everyone and dealing with family backlash. Just focus on what you can control and enjoy the ride :)
I know exactly what you are going through! Do what is best for you and your family, even though your your parents are supportive, its your future and your child's future for you to worry about. My mother guilt tripped me and my family into moving back home, when we got there she just didn't even care we were there, we got in more debt and it ended up not been right for our family. We moved away and have never been happier. You need to worry about your family, your parents will visit if they want too. Sorry if it doesn't make sense.