Hi ladies
I am so overwhelmed and so pissed off with what a looser my kids dad is. I don't know what to do anymore I am so sick of bashing my head against a brick wall. I have 3 boys. We were together for 10 years and I walked almost 2 years ago because of his massive gambling problem and extreme anxiety issues. He is so manipulative and the biggest liar I have ever met in my entire life. He is meant to have our youngest 4 days a week while I work full time and then he has all 3 fri and sat nights. I need to work 6 days a week because I barely get any assistance from Centrelink and I have to always supply him with money or food to be able to have his children. I am so sick of the arguing and the bullshit of every week him saying he is not having them. Then maybe he will take them when he is meant to. Mind you earns enough to support them. He gets new start and ftb and cash in hand for a full time job. Yet I pay for everything so my kids can have a relationship with their father. I wish that there was some way he could be made to stand up and be responsible. I wish that he wanted to. My kids love him to bits. He is hurting them now by making promises he cant keep and is gonna hurt them in the long run. Yet I still don't believe pulling them away from him is the answer. They are not unsafe in his care. I wish that centrelink would only let him have his money on a basics card. I wish that the courts would make father's more responsible for their children. I just want my boys happy but it's getting harder and harder to keep putting up with his shit. I wish he was out of my life but I still feel like I can't do that to my kids. I'M SO FRIGGING LOST I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE.
deadbeat dads
deadbeat dads
Posted in:
Life Lessons
4 Replies
Stop, just stop. I'm afraid you are still caught in the abuse cycle and it is time to get off! Find a daycare or family daycare that can take your 4 year old, it will be less stress for you and probably cheaper because the government will be subsidising your kids care! You won't have to fight with him for 4 days a week. That isn't taking your kids from there dad because he will see him at other times like on the weekend. BUT it will mean the ass can't hold that one thing over your head all the time and leverage you for money. Stop playing his game. Make sure centrelink know he will be only having the kids on Friday and Saturday nights.
Plus stop giving him money for the weekends. Stop financing him! If you need to do something take him the food, that at least means you know the money isn't going in his pocket!
Take him to mediation and put your foot down. Get things formalised, have it put in the parenting plan he provides there food. It isn't taking your kids away from there dad, it is stopping him using you as his personal ATM.
Go see a lawyer(legal aid maybe), get a formal parenting plan in order, have a clause in it stating that is fully responsible for the kids while in his care, if he can't then they don't stay. See if you can get your youngest into care (have this in the agreement if you can't rely on him to to do it, as it causes issues at work, it might not be now but it will employers can only tolerate this for so long), you can get Centrelink help with this, when the kids are only with him 2 nights a week you should then be able to receive more ftb, also having the kids with him 2 nights a week (which is more than most) means you will have less contact with him, meaning you don't have to put up with his shit on a daily basis. In saying all that, the court system doesn't care if it's fair or not to the parents (speaking from experience), but at least you will have structure, if he chooses then not to have them, keep a diary of every time he refuses to take them, every time he causes issues in front of the kids, every time he asks for money for food for them this will give a record of what's happening if you need to change things further down the track. Also is there any proof of his full time cash in hand job? You are obviously declaring the money you earn and if he's not this maybe why you aren't receiving as much ftb as you should be, also if he has a full time job he's should not entitled to new start. Good luck
Sounds similar to my abusive parnter. Who sounds like a narcissist I cant stop reading and learning its incredible people exists with no empathy for others. He is controlling you! Get some support for you and your kids.
If he works full time how is he able to have your youngest 4 days then all of them for 3 days?