My daughter is a month off 17 and her boyfriend is 20 in a few month's.
Please no nasty comments. I would like to hear what do you think ?? Is age just a age these day's, what kind of curfews should be in place for her age or would you not allow there relationship. Please help !!!!
Daughter !!!!
Daughter !!!!
Posted in:
Teenagers, Tips and Advice
11 Replies
Realistically the age gap is fine. My cousins were 17 with partners 11 years older than them. She's a month off of 17 and if she wanted to could leave home at the drop of a hat if you farbade their relationship there is a high chance of that happening. A curfew is a good way to keep some control, 10pm on weekdays I assume shes still going to school and 1am on the weekends which gives her plenty of time to go out to a party have some fun and get home so your not freaking out about her all night. If they are having sex (I assume they are) be prepared for her to ask for sleepovers but I'd only let it happen on weekends. 17 is a hard age because in a years time she'll be 18 and all your control is over.
When I was 17 my partner was 23, my mother supported my decision (as much as she could anyway) but my father tried telling me I couldn't date him and carried on, in the end I moved out with him and it did end badly. My father done the whole "I told you so" so I turned to alcohol because he never once supported or cared about my feelings. My mothers support got me through everything, she knew it would end badly, but she never rubbed it in my face... she was the reason I am where I am today...
so please, just be there for your daughter, don't rub it in her face if it ends badly, my mothers trust and belief in me meant everything to me... and now me and my mum are inseparable. Support her and love her and if it does end badly, she will know she can come to you.
Hi just some advice from my experience. I dont want to freak you out but.... because my mum and parents I guess were seperated and found those type of parenting talks awkward I never got them. My school was private christian and I never got them because you shouldn't do anything before marriage it was all not talked about basically. I fell pregnant at 18. I wish I new some basic like contraceptive types and had support I stead of them backing away because it was awkward. 7 years on we are together but.... 2 kids later its turning physically abusive and has been phycological for a while now. I also wish that I was educated on healthy vs unhealthy relationships. sorry I just dont want anyone going through what I have if you have trouble speaking with her. Give her information print offs...sometimes easier to look at than a book!
I was given a midnight curfew my mum picked me up occasionally around the age of 15/16years old. My friends drove at 17yo so I wasnt home much then.
Not sure what my advice is but that is some I wish I knew to save heartache of my abusive relationship I am stuck in Now.
It would bother me that a 20 year old wanted to date my 17 year old. Age isn't just an age. There are certain things he can do at 20 that she isn't allowed to do at 16/17. There are certain life experiences he has had that she probably hasn't experienced.
There is probably zero you can do about it though.
Keep lines of communication open, make sure she has the confidence to say no to things that she doesn't feel comfortable doing. Keep the same rules you would have had at home anyway. So if there was a curfew keep it, if there wasn't it's too late for a curfew anyway!
Get to know the guy, invite him for dinner etc. that's the best way to get a feel for what's going on. If you wouldn't allow sleep overs with a 17 year old boyfriend don't allow sleep overs with the 20 year old.
If you can not disallow the relationship she is 17 and will find a way to be with him. Disallowing the the relationship will push her closer to him.
Keep the lines of communication open to your daughter. Make sure she knows you are there for her. Encourage her to make responsible decisions (especially where sex and contraception are involved). Make Sure she knows how to keep herself safe and that she can say "no" to him if she doesn't feel safe. If she knows you would be there for her no matter what, she will be far safer.
Forbidding the relationship would likely push her towards him. I know you want to protect her but the best way to protect her is to make sure she knows she can come to you.
Don't push her away from him, it most likely won't work. It's only 3 years difference and it can work out. At 18 I was dating a 27 year old, even though my ex was the same age as me he treated me like shit when as the guy who was 9 years older than me treated me wonderful, never any pressure and yes I believe his life experience contributed to this. Of corse go over contraception, relationships and just be supportive of her. This should allow her to open up to you.
3 years difference isn't really that big of a deal. I started dating a guy when I was 16 and he was 18, we are now married. Are they both mature? Is she on the pill? She probably needs to be. I find men mature slower than women so an age gap of 2-3 years is fine in my eyes. It would be different if she was say 13 and he 18.
On the pill...both very mature, he brings her home before she is supposed to be ( extra bonus) they ask before going certain places ect. Always let me know what they are up too.
Personally age is only a number. In the light of things 3 years is nothing! If you try stopping her it will only make her want him more. Set some guidelines meaning curfew. But the more boundaries you set the more secret and distant she will become.
I was 14 and my partner 19 when we first met. Now I'm 23 and he is 28 we have 2 kids 2 houses, a car and getting another, he has a good job, I'm studying to be a nurse and we still love each other :) there has been big lows (non of which had to do with age) along the way but we worked through it and are stronger then ever.
No.