sexual abuse trigger warning
Hello IM's,
I was wondering if there was any lovely ladies out there who have fallen victim to a sexual assault while on a date and would be willing to share their experiences with me about how they went on to continue dating.
I was not so recently 'date raped' and have not been with anyone since the incident, either emotionally or physically. Recently i decided it was time to get back on the horse and accepted a date with a friend of a friend. Now, I am panicking about the idea of the date. We are meeting in a public place, (it is going to be very casual dinner and a drink at a pub) so that there is no pressure for any kind of connection but i am terrified about the whole idea. I am not even sure what i am worried about, i just know i am terrified. I am dealing with my issues with my shrink but was wondering if there was anyone out there who would be willing to share their personal stories with me.
Thank you in advance
Dating after sexual assult
Dating after sexual assult
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Mental Health
7 Replies
I've not been sexually assaulted and I hope I never am. I'd consider having a secret chaperone set up in the pub. Friends and I do this when internet dating. You don't acknowledge them or they you, they are just in the background spying making sure your safe ready to jump in if you feel your nervous or scared. Good luck
I haven't been through this myself, but I do think the first comment is a great idea.
I'm dealing with this myself. I have no words but pace and if you don't feel comfortable speak up.
I have been sexually abused and raped... its been 11 years since the rape, 15 years since sexual abuse.
It is hard... very hard... takes time, counseling and continued reflection of self. After years of depression anxiety and ptsd i still am not the same happy bubbly woman i once was and could have been. Im married now with a daughter and I still have trust issues, intimacy issues... and have become incredibly protective of my child and everyone who has contact with her.
So many things... take ur time healing... I've been so unsure and at times wrong in my decisions since it all happened. .. it changes every part of you.. but with help it can get better.
Hope you find peace.
Thank you all for both advice and support. To the ladies who have been through it, did you tell the person you were dating? Not on the first date but if it went further, into relationship territory?
It's not an easy conversation to have but yes I told the people I dated only if and when I was ready... with my husband I told him before we had sex. As a way of saying I want to go slowly in relationship and so I didn't need to explain if it affected my mood or triggered a memory (which it did of course). Many times I would just say stop or would push him off and say just get off.. at very inconvenient times... because I would start having flashbacks and feeling uncomfortable. He was very patient and understanding... so much so that I always felt like he would one day snap back at me in resentment... but he never did... never has. 8 years later.. make sure you take care of yourself and voice if you are uncomfortable - whether you tell them why or not. The ones who are worth it will be understanding and patient and kind and respectful and slowly you can rebuild a trust in other people that you may have lost. I did.
I was date raped in 2006 by two men. It took me a long time to deal wth my feelings and I wasted a lot of Opportunities with good men because of it. Counselling will help. Don't do what I did and withdraw from social interaction. You'll end up bitter, distant and guarded. People will constantly feel like you're pushing them away. Good luck.