Hi many of the survivors I have spoken to warn against this but I feel I have no option or choice. no he still doesnt take responsibility for his behaviour or actions and I am quite concerned about the idea of couples therapy because i hide my feelings away from him but I dont know what to do. Family recommend this and my phychologist doesnt seem fazed by it. I need to know before I walk away I have tried. I am not worried if his behaviour escalates I am at the point where I am ready if he hurts me, he hurts me and then I can just call the authorities. But I would like to try before I walk away. I know I am crazy for hoping!
We have 2 kids together.
Just to add that physical incidents like pushing, grabbing, restraining, dragging me by my wrists and shutting me in a room.... not stopping hurting me even when told to stop And telling him clearly he is hurting me. He us generally rough and forces me to be affectionate because I dont feel I can anymore. we had an arguement the other night and he cried and threatened suicide and has done that in the past. He moved on and was fine the next day. I know deep down he is doing it to manipulate me.
He also is extremely jealous anyway he fits the traits of an abuser.
He has said after about a whole year of not agreeing to come he will come because its the only way I will be able to communicate with him. I am taking it as even though its aimed at me the appointment I maybe able to get him to see what he is doing is wrong which is the cause of my anxiety and depression and he thinks I am just blaming him.
I just want to simply be happy and enjoy being a mum and I am not either of those. I love my kids so much and just want to enjoy being with them. And yes a family together was my ideal dream but I am sending myself beyond a crazy person trying to figure out what to do. Wish this was easier.
I am focused on being honest and truthful with those professionals I speak with. I will not hide his behaviour. I may accept it and move on but I will not keep it a secret. Like many victims do. I am trying so please dont say JUST LEAVE. I am working towards it. I am!!
1 Replies
I think it's a bit pointlessif he's not into it, as well as dangerous. Be ready that he doesn't want to have an open conversation and might be really angry once you get home, at the things you said and how you think and feel ( I'm sure he'll spin it so youre awful and so unfairly blame him for everything right?) or took him there just to embarrass him... If he's not into it he won't want to hear it and won't be doing any work on it. However if you are really ready that you'll try that and then leave, then go ahead. As long as you really do have the will power to leave. Also be aware he might say hes trying all this and still carry on his behaviour but use this as another manipulation to get you to stay longer... Because he's doing this, and working on it etc etc. Don't buy tha, he can stretch that out for years. When he wants to change, if he ever really does, he will, and you'll see it, he'll never ever do it to you again, no blowups or lapses.