Hi friends .. just need some opinions and need to vent. Sorry for the novel.
Background .. I have 2 children to my ex husband and spent a long time dealing with a cheating ex, got my life in order and happy then met someone I believed was amazing. Between us we had 3 children from previous marriages. Two years in we decided to have a child then fell pregnant again very quickly and had 2 ourselves. So between us we had 5 children.
Once our own children came along he changed. He became distant and bitter. Doing anything with all the kids was near impossible for him - actually doing anything was near impossible. He interacted with his own 3 but ignored my 2 to my ex and became quite nasty towards them.
Fast forward to a year ago and continuous bad moods and numerous broken promises to try harder, I told him to go take a kid free break to have a think about what he wants. He decided to not come back, stating that he cant be around my 2 children from my previous marriage and doesnt want to try with them anymore and that he wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore.
Long time of healing and counselling brought me to a good place, now I have been taken back to the start all over again .. he is seeing someone - with children. It's rejection all over again .. the thing is I don't care that he is seeing someone it's that he's playing 'family' that hurts all over again - he treated me and my two eldest children like we didn't count and gave up on us as a family!
I go to counselling and have good friends around me .. I'm just trying to understand my feelings and hoping some people might have some coping mechanisms that might help or advice?? Something outside this head full of a maze of emotions and thoughts I don't understand...
2 Replies
See it as him being soooo broken that he will continue to repeat the same patterns. Meet someone, like there kids, then decide at some point he can't cope and move on again. He will continue to repeat that damage through a number of women without insight into his pattern. Take it as a sign of how damaged he is, and how it isn't a rejection of you and your kids, he has no insight into the fact that he is in the honeymoon phase and so of course it seems nice.
He hasn't learnt anything and will destroy those children and that woman in time. Seems he's not a long term guy and instead of working on why, he just wants to start fresh and hope he will be this time even though nothings changed so why would it be different.
Who knows maybe he's attracted to mums, family life etc in his fantasy that's what he wants but when reality hits he can't step up.
Good luck healing yourself, you're better off without someone that can't stand your kids. It's hard but try not to compare, there's no comparison.