Consent orders for under 3 years old..hi my baby is 10 months old and we currently have iterim orders in place but now have to do the final orders. He is asking for very extreme things like once she is over 1 10hour days every day he has off ( roster shift work) and overnights once she is 18months every day he has off. And Christmas Eve and day at his house. I'm still breastfeeding aswell and would like for her to self wean or by the time she is is 2 I will wean. My question is some tips on how many hours ect (focusing on age 1 to 3yrs) I have a lawyer but the dad and I are doing it by ourselves then going to the lawyers to get it drafted and signed by the courts. Please tell me anything you can think of as our relationship isn't the best some days and I need to make sure I have it all covered :)
7 Replies
I'm not sure I would call any of what he is asking as extreme. Although it's hard to work out how many days that would be by what you have written. I'd negotiate down to 8hrs. As a 1 year old can cope with 8hrs, if your baby had to go to daycare for 8hrs a day 5days a week that would not be seen as unreasonable.
Unfortunately sometimes we have to compromise our ideal of parenting techniques when there is a split. Like you could express milk for the days she stays at dad's.
I would then expect it to move to a sleep over once a fortnight.
Thanks for your input I should mention he could work a roster of 4 days on 4 days off or 5 days.
what kind of visits are in place at the moment? I don't think you should really put a time limit on where any child will be ready for overnight visits as each child is differnt from what I've been told it is generally not appropriate for a child under 2 to be a way over night from there primary carer. i also think that 10 hours is a long time and there is no need for it for a child of that age I would say 4-6 hours max at a time after 1, and then judging it as the child gets older But that's just personal opinion you know what's best for your child :-)
It's 1 hour 2 nights a week and 2 hours each day on the weekend however I usually ask if he would like more so 3 or 3.5hrs. I think 10 hours is a long time and his roster would be him wanting her 4 days in a row at 10 hours. I also think 4-5 hours but wasn't sure if that wasn't being reasonable. I won't do overnights till 3 as a trial because I don't believe that is in her best interest either :)
Well you sound like you knkw what your doing, just stick to your guns and if your not happy with the arrangement do not agree! :-)
Hi,
I'm going through this now. Through the courts. Kids were 5mths & 17mths at begining.
There are "guidance" which is available. And it depends on with methodology your prescribe to. Google "attachment parenting".
Now our family report writer States no overnights until youngest is 2. However that was before ex started acting like a twat.
Also, my judge has put it out there that "no judge in this country will rule rule long term week about for children this young".
Basically the inference is the primary attachment with occurs when a child is 4 and under would be mainly with one parent - rather than 2, such as the case when separation occurs later in a child's life.
The general rule for under 4s is short but frequent. Ie, time every 2-3 days for 3-4 hrs leading for 8 he visits. Given a child under 3 sleeps for 11hrs overnight - I would disagree with a 10 hour block of time, simply to provide child to wake up prior to visit and time to settle into bed/bath routine at home.
Hope that helps
That helps a lot thank you! My baby unfortunately is already really not taking the interim orders well and does not sleep well at night and especially on the nights he has her now (2x mid week 6-7pm) because it's after his work but my lawyer tells me I can't change it (been doing it 5 months) I get she needs to see her dad but what happened to the best interest of the child!! And he also sees her on the weekend but that's not frequent enough.So I will be trying my hardest to make sure it's in the day visits once he starts his new job. My only thing is that they say bonding time is having a meal and bathing and that happens at night but maybe he could do that in the morning :)