I am trying to do the best for my babies. But holy hell it can be so damn hard. I always find something to pick apart despite doing what feels like my best at the time. I hate breastfeeding my daughter. I. Hate. It. With my first child I was unable to establish breastfeeding for emotional reasons and was bottle feeding by 2 wks and I still haven't gotten over the guilt and disappointment. My second child was a nightmare uphill battle for 5 months before settling down only to have him wean at 10 months which also left me feeling guilty and disappointed as I wanted to continue until 18 months. My third is now 3 months and it has been so easy. But I hate it. I always have. And for the first time I feel embarrassed to feed in front of others. I am touched out. Don't even like having my husband around when my boob is out because I just want some damn privacy. My daughter was born in front of a bunch of strangers under the open sky outside the hospital and I freak over my husband always seeing my boob out. I just want to be left alone! And I hate feeling like that. I was so proud of breastfeeding #2 because it was such an achievement for me but now I just wish I didn't have to and that people would just **** off when I am!! And as gross and strange as it may sound, it is even worse for me because breastfeeding (always has) sexually stimulated me (despite the fact I hate it) and therefore gives me even more reason to feel uncomfortable. Have any of you IM's felt like this before? I know this will be another thing I'll bash myself with. It already makes me feel crap.
4 Replies
First of all you have to make a decision on what's best for you and your baby. If that meant formula feeding thats perfectly ok. But there are different options other than doing formula.
You could pump and feed baby with a bottle or there is also the option to feed baby with donated milk....
Most important thing is that you and baby are happy and healthy.
Maybe you could talk to someone about how you are feeling? I'm not sure if lactation consultants cover stuff like this or not?
Good luck with everything! Whatever route you decide to takerremember you are a great mum who is doing a wonderful job taking care of her children!
GL xx
I am so sorry for you! I think something that might help is to go to the australian breast feeding association. I know in my local group there were a few ladies that felt the same, it is a place you can express your feelings and gain help. Do what is right for you and your baby xx
I didn't like breast feeding at all!!! Don't beat yourself. Breast feeding should not come at the expense of your sanity
Breastfeeding has to be best for both if you. Particularly if its affecting your relationship with your daughter and others. Being stimulated has nothing to do with wanting to be. Its a physical thing. No wonder you hate it when its associated with guilt, shame and failure. You're putting far too much pressure on yourself. These things are hard enough without it being complicated by such strong emotion. I suspect your emotional reaction is way out of proportion to reality and that needs addressing.