I know they say never to compare children and each child learns different things at their own rate, but I can't help but feel a bit worried that my children always seem to be behind their peers In learning different things.
When I had my first baby I went to a mothers group. There were 12 babies in the group and my son was the last to learn everything from rolling over, sitting up, crawling, walking and then talking. I know he's a normal child nd got there in his own time, but I ended up leaving the group because it just made me worry about how my son was developing.
He's now 4 and totally fine, but in terms of speech he's behind the other kids in his preschool. He can count to 15, say his ABCs and recognise colours, but he can't write his name yet and I know my friends children who are younger can write their names already.
Then I had my daughter. She was born 2 weeks before my sisters daughter. Again my niece has hit all the milestones first. The girls are now 2 and my niece speaks full sentences and my daughter can only say about 20 words in total. My daughter is learning more and more words each week and Admittedly I think my niece is quite advanced for her age, but I just wish my kids would learn something first.
What's wrong with me? I know my kids will get there and it's not a competition , but it would be nice if my kids would learn something, anything first.
I'm worried that a) I'm not doing enough as a mother. Should I be trying to teach them more or will they get it on their own? We do lots of reading, singing and activities together during the day.
And b) will they be behind when they get to school? I don't want them to struggle learning at school. I struggled with school and it's no fun being one of the least smart kids in the class.
Comparing children
Comparing children
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Education
2 Replies
I am the mum who had an advanced baby.
My baby sat up unaided at 3 months, was crawling by 6 months, walking by 8 months, climbing out bedroom windows in the middle of the night by 12months. He was doing jigsaw puzzles for 5 year olds by 2years old. At 21 years old he is still illiterate and mostly non-verbal. My point is NONE of those milestones are very good predictors of future performance.
Now I know what it's like to be the child that struggled myself and we all want our kids to have an easier time of it. Your kids sound like they are doing great and you don't know how much 'hot housing' the other parents are doing with there kids. I've worked in kindies and have had parents ask when little Susie will learn times tables etc!!! Keep doing what you are doing. Maybe start teaching your son how to copy his name but don't feel pressured. There will be a huge range of abilities when he starts school from kids who have never been exposed to reading and writing to kids who are already able to read and write. A few years in most kids even out in there abilities.
This is exactly why we shouldnt compare, it's not good or right for you to worry and feel this way. As you said they did get there. No children dont need to learn to write before school. They learn that in school and no do not push it earlier, it's becoming recommended to hold off reading and writing until even later, they all get anyway, they have other more important things to do under 6, like being childreN!
Maybe find different milestones to measure. Children are not all about what they 'can do.... ' but what they are, what they enjoy, what they understand, make sense of, explore. There is no time limit or set time, we celebrate milestones because it's amazing when we see kids learn and grow, when that is, especially compared to other children, makes absolutely no difference.