Ok. So yup I know I've made this hard on myself but I need advice not judgement
I kicked my husband out last year. My youngest child was just 3 n she wanted to sleep in my bed with me. So I let her for the comfort co sleep. I moved her back to her bed after a few months. One night she got scared by a shadow from a teddy in her room. She came running back to me. I've been struggling with the single mum thing, work n everything so she is now back co sleeping with me as I have found this easier.
And she refuses to sleep in her bed. What do you suggest I do to get her comfortable enough to sleep in her bed again with really upsetting her.
Your answers need to consider her bond with me now that her dad doesn't live her, that she wants him back, n that she is a determined stubborn little girl, kinda like mum
Thx
4 Replies
I'd use the gradual withdrawal method. There is no crying it out really. Night one you lie in her bed with her until she is asleep, if she wakes up go lie in her bed with her. Over time you systematically reduce contact so the next step might be you sitting on the bed while she goes to sleep, third step might be sitting next to her bed. That way she gets to understand that her room is safe and secure and that your room is not for her, and that she isn't abandoned.
OMG! I just got my DD in her bed again just in the last 2 weeks (was always in her own room day dot and a great sleeper but just got spooked one night - also became single just 6 months prior). It is so hard because lack of sleep for a single working mum is exhausting. Long story short gradual migration but consistency. Environmental things ie. I pulled out my DD's old security blanket (hadn't used for a while but this added comfort helped and again no longer needs it). Also maybe a night light? Talk about how she is safe and there's nothing to be scared about in her home. Don't force anything just encourage. Each time she made a bit more progress I rewarded her with stickers etc but be careful not to "bribe" beforehand as I think the surprise element is a huge incentive for them after progress has been made. All these thing with lots of conversations about "mummy's bed" and "their bed" should help. Also at three they have a basic understanding of things so talking about how safe they are at home is a good one and spending more time in the room (when sleep is not expected) so they get comfortable in there again :-) Good luck it is challenging but I hope this helps...
If you aren't worried about it then don't bother, she won't be in your bed when she is 21! But the fact you are asking may mean you are bothered and not just pressured by others. My 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter are just transitioning to their own bed from ours. We tried in the past with our son and had good times and bad. My daughter is fine with it and loves going in her bed. My son hates it though, he asks every night to sleep in our bed, even though our rooms are joint with big doors open, he still resists. But we have found that if we say it's okay he can come into our bed if he is scared and stay with them to go to sleep, most nights he wakes and comes to us at some point some nights he doesn't and most times we just take him back and lay with him. I think you could try a mattress on your floor for a start or just try laying with her til she is asleep. But a big key is not making a big deal about it.
My thoughts - you could let her sleep with you if you're okay with that, or put a night light in her room. Maybe a lamp with a really low watt globe, that worked well for my first daughter. Hard to find the globes but there are 15 watt ones that are great. My third suggestion is to put a small mattress (cot mattress or similar) on the floor of your room and tell her she may only sleep on that if she wakes up in the night. My youngest just turned 3 and still wants to co-sleep, so we're going through a similar transition at our house! I don't make it easy though, I adore sleeping with them! She's not too bad at going to bed in her bed but needs one of us there while she falls asleep, and wakes up and wants us most night at least once. It's exhausting lol. Good luck xo