Not a question, but more of an important discussion.
Every so often my husband and I like to have "the conversation" with our son (he's 5) about his personal safety because we believe that an educated and confident child is one that is less likely to be preyed upon by sexual predators. I was really impressed by his assertiveness and knowledge on what he described as "good or bad choices". When asked what he would say to someone who touched him in a way that made him feel uncomfortable he held his hand up in the stop position and said strongly, "stop it I don't like it! I'm the boss of my body." When I asked who he should tell if someone ever hurt him he said mummy or daddy, his grandma or his school teacher. And he described the difference between a good secret (him and i sneaking an icecream treat) and a bad secret (anyone hurting him and then telling him to keep it a secret because we would get angry with him). I also thought it important to reinforce to him that unsafe behaviour is anyone that touches him in a way that makes him feel unsafe, or if they try to get him to touch them in a way that feels uncomfortable or even if they try to show him something that makes him uncomfortable. I know this may seem full on for a young child but I honestly do think that kids that are confident enough to say no and to understand they have the right to say no, because it is their body, are less likely to be hurt. But it's also important for them to understand that IF, heaven forbid something bad did ever happen that they can talk to us, and that it would never be their fault and we will always do everything we can to protect them. He also told me of the discussions he's had with one of his school specialist teachers (she teaches health and society stuff) and that she was very happy with his knowledge of this topic, so it's really good that the schools are reinforcing the personal safety stuff with our kids too. Have you ladies recently had "the talk" with your kids? I'd love to hear anything else you guys find helpful on the subject
4 Replies
you are doing a great job, but you are forgetting that abuse may feel good or feel nice. yep we dont like to think about it but its what perp's use.
Good point, I will be sure to bring that up with him too. We have been very clear with him which parts of his body are his "private parts" and that even though adults may like to touch each other there it's never appropriate for an adult to touch his private parts or for them to ask him to touch theirs. It's certainly another area for us to talk to him about, thanks for the input :) I think too many parents are scared to have this discussion with their kids for fear of damaging their innocence or their pure view of the world, or maybe perhaps it's a conversation that just makes the parent uncomfortable but I think it's talks like these that can help keep kids protected
Hi, I would totally recommend getting the books A Secret Safe To Tell by Naomi Hunter and Everyone Has A Bottom. Both illustrated children's picture books
On another thought and luckily in this day and age people are more open to this type of thing.
Make sure the people he tells are willing to listen.
My uncle would often like to touch what wasn't his.
I told mum tones of times I didn't want to be babysat at my grandmothers house.
One night I went into my grandmothers room and told them I was trying to sleep and he wouldn't leave me alone, could I sleep in their room, they told me to go back to bed.
I used to insist on sleeping in a sleeping bag where I could draw the string on the hood and loop the string through the zipper and hold onto the string all night.
I would never sit in the front seat of the car with him. no one every picked it up.
Till I was 17 years old and he tried to commit suicide and I got in trouble for not being upset. so I told mum.
Unfortunately my cousin on the other side was just as bad, an used to lock me in a cupboard. Mum picked up on this one before he had a chance to do any worse.
I have taught my kids to be out going, as these oxygen thieves pray on quiet obedient children.