So my 3yo's father and i have been separated since just after she was born. Due to his alcoholism and abusive nature (emotional, verbal, hitting walls etc- never physical to me)
During one of his outbursts he threatened to harm our newborn. That is when i ended it.
Since we split he has only really seen her a handful of times. I originally said he could see her 3 days a week, if he was sober, and as long as myself and someone else was there as i did not trust him with her after his threat to hurt her.
He never showed up to most his visits. There was usually some excuse but sometimes never even told me he wasnt coming. The times he did come he was so awkward with her and if she cried would hand her straight to me and would be really rude and nasty to me every time.
Anyway after about 11mths of this i said enough was enough, get your self together or stay away and stopped msgn. Her bdays came n went he didnt even msg.
All along i have been sending updates but he doesnt even acknowledge them or respond so who knows if hes gotten them.
Now out of the blue hes taken me to mediation and wants 3 days a week with her without me or anyone else. I am reluctant because of his threat when she was newborn aswell as the fact that she does not know him or his family, i dont even know where he lives so dont know where she would be. I want her to know her fathwr but i want her to be safe!
I would rather start with one ir two days a week, with me and another person OR a contact service that will supervise him.
Am i being too over protective??
8 Replies
Nope you are not, ask for contact centre, he should not be alone with her at least until he has rebuilt a relationship with her and proven that he is sober etc.
he also needs to prove he will show up at the set times. Best place for all that happen is a contact centre. Plus make sure you're a clear he has made threats to both of you.
Hold out let it go to court demand supervised Visitation carried out by a visitation center. With reports forthcoming. Based on his history....mediation can't force you to do anything
Actually TBH with his history he shouldn't have even been accepted for mediation a certificate should have been immediately issued are the mediation service aware of his history?
I have told them the history. They said they can put us in separate rooms. He is very manipulative and only tells people what he wants them to know. He leaves out the part about his behaviour and the threats. Makes himself look like the one who is being hard done by. He has his new gf all his friends and his family now convinced that i am the evil bitch keeping his son away from him. Which is not the case at all and i have all the proof of it. Its dissapointing because his family and friends SAW the way he treated us. and knew about the threats to our daughter!!! but now they believe that i am being the bitch! EVen tho it is just that HE hasnt shown up to visits and hasnt even bothered to contact!!
What they think doesnt matter what matters is your child's safety stick to your guns.
If his parents are clean and decent contact them yourself to facilitate them seeing the child but make they understand that they are not to abuse the contact to enable him. It will disprove his claims. If however they are just enablers don't bother.
I would suggest the same thing that has already been said - let it go to court. It's probably handy to know that many family court proceedings can take YEARS to work out.
In the meantime, I recommend that you keep a diary. Dates, times, details etc of every thing that happens with him. You never know what can be useful in court...
I already have ALL of that! and proof that he has not even shown any interest. Same with his family!
No way are you being overprotective. Aside from anything else, your daughter needs time to build a relationship with him before she will feel comfortable being left alone with him. Stick to your guns. If he sticks with it and builds a relationship with her, sure, but he has to put in the hard yards first. He will either agree, drop off the face of the planet (which my niece's dad did), or take you to Court in which case he is unlikely to get supervised visits right off the bat. You do NOT have to agree to anything in mediation, you only have to make a sincere effort to come to an agreement. Good luck.