Hi sisters :)
Hoping you can help me deal with this feeling. I have two kids, younger one being 6 months old. With my first, I tried to breast feed but had virtually no milk, despite expressing 24/7 etc. I have hormone problems so I think that may have affected things. I breast fed for the first 3 weeks before giving up.
With my second, I was determined to breast feed longer, I took natural supplements during pregnancy to boost my milk production, and was thrilled when I got milk. However, my baby would have trouble latching and would scream and cry and refuse to feed. I tried lactation consultants, pediatricians etc, and all said there was no reason for him to be having so much trouble. This was other than the fact that I had to live on Voltaren tablets just to be able to handle the pain, and my nipples became very injured.
Despite this, I kept going but eventually switched to formula after 5 weeks when he was just refusing and crying non stop.
I later (4 months) discovered that he had a tongue and lip tie, which we fixed by laser revision. I was furious at all the health professionals who missed it, even when I had mentioned ties to them.
It also turned out he had severe reflux.
Basically my issue is that I still feel like I lost something by not being able to breast feed for long, and I still feel really sad about it.
We are not having any more kids, so this was my last chance at breast feeding and I feel like I missed out. I can't seem to let go and forget about it, even though my son is thriving on formula. How do I get over it and move on?
Breast feeding failure
Breast feeding failure
Posted in:
Baby & Toddler, Baby Feeding
4 Replies
I think we put so much pressure on our selves to do things 'the right way' or we imagine this 'magical experience' and if something just doesn't work out we feel totally cheated. I think it comes from having so much access to information and the luxury to control our lives and make choices generations ago just didn't have access to. I think rather than concentrating in what you didn't get to do concentrate on what you can do. What would you say to a friend who was upset about not experiencing a vaginal birth?
Well, I've breastfed for 7 months, and I'm desperate to switch to formula. My baby only sleeps for 2 hour intervals, mastitis sucks, my boobs always hurt and leak, I'm sick to death of feeding my baby I'm public because I feel like I'm always being judged and looked at whilst my stretched marked tummy is hanging out and I would kill to have someone feed my baby a bottle so I can sleep for longer than 2 hours a night...
I guess what I'm saying is the grass is always greener on the other side.
You haven't failed. In the big scheme of things, not breastfeeding is so trivial, your keeping your baby happy, well fed and nourished. Never feel like a failure for that.
You didn't fail your baby - you tried your absolute hardest and you deserve a huge pat on the back for that. Hormone problems, medications, reflux, tongue and lip ties are massive barriers to successful breastfeeding and I think you're amazing for persevering as long as you did. Unfortunately without adequate support and medical "professionals" who missed some important issues, it made it impossible to continue. This is not your fault.
I suggest if it is affecting you to go to speak to someone - get some counselling or even speak to a lactation consultant who can debrief you. I'm sorry that you are feeling so sad about this. But you are doing an amazing job xxx
I couldn't breastfeed, tried and tried but was under so much stress (sons father walked out on us from the hospital and then spent his time texting threats to me) it wasn't till my mum sat me down and said lets just try formula, I said no no I HAVE to breastfeed because it's drilled into you that you just have to. I finally gave in, tried formula. Mum would fit him while I would express. Once I expressed enough we gave him a bottle of breastmilk and he hurled everywhere and wanted his formula back, the stress had affected my milk quality too so that was it, formula it was. He is happy, healthy, thriving. My neighbour has a son the same age, exclusively breastfed he's always sick, allergic to everything her allergies were passed to him and Yeh is so tiny and just not as healthy as my boy. Took me about 2 months to get over the guilt but I know breastmilk never would have worked for us and I did the right thing