A bit about me.

I wrote in a week or so ago regarding my ex going to court and being asked for a statement.

I have to say some peoples response was rather surprising. Telling me I have to imagine how this girl is feeling and that I need to do this.

I haven't seen these children for over 5 years and I am trying to protect all I have worked for.

I have given the statement but I am going to share a bit about me because I need to get this off my chest and help people who were quick to jump to conclusions and judge me a bit of insight.

I've spent the last few months reflecting on a lot of things. My health isn't as good as it could be and I hate that all doctors are prepared to do is have someone in their late 20's counting pills instead of trying to do more. I'm too young to be counting pills. But other things coming to light have made this seem like the lesser of evils.

When I was 15 my mum kicked me out of home because I went off the rails, running away for days on end, smoking, drinking and we even ended up in a physical fight. Her husband was the cause of this, I was being a typical cheeky teenager and he put his tongue in my mouth. (They have since divorced)

After being kicked out I met a man who was 8 years older than me who promised me the world and I loved that because I had always lived with people who brought me down. He moved me to another town, all I had was the bags I could carry while we hitch hiked across the country. After being with him for a while my dad saved me by driving 4 hours to pick me and my few belongings up. I recently saw on a news website he has pleaded guilty to murder. If I had stayed in that situation I fear that I could have been the one standing in those court room docks next to him instead of his current girlfriend, or even the one no longer living. It's scary to think about.

I spent the next few years moving around various towns. Moving to one place, having dramas occur and I would run away from those problems and move on to the next town. I would book a bus ticket and pack everything I owned into black rubbish sacks and off I went.

Fast forward two years. 17 and meet another man who was 5 years older than me. He had two children. Told me everything I wanted to hear and again he moved me towns. We were together off and on for 3 years. He was abusive, constantly cheated and would leave me at home to care for his children when we had them so he could go drink with his friends, cheating on me while he was at it. I woke up one day and realised he was not for me and my future was not in this small town going no where.

I got a phone call from the mother of his two children to ask me what addresses we had lived at in 2011 because he has allegedly sexually assaulted his oldest daughter when she was 9 years old.

I feel sick to my stomach, I forced him to have a relationship with his two children because he has always been in and out of their lives, I felt guilty, like this was my fault.

He has essentially admitted it happened but is blaming it on his own daughter which makes me sick.

Since I left him he has had another 3 children. One of which was conceived while we were still together.

While we were on and off I struggled to support myself financially. I ended up turning to sex work in a palor. Sleeping with multiple men a night for money. Being bullied by the owner to do more nights because I brought in the most money. I never once turned to drugs or copious amounts of alcohol to get through. I looked at every man as a dollar sign not a person. Now I regret it but can't change what I did in my past to get myself through.

This man had the audacity to have sex with me after what he did. I feel completely depleted.

I'm struggling to get up and go to work, struggling to sleep even with melatonin tablets from my doctor.

I'm working full time in a job that does not fulfill me. I am now also a part time student.