Hi everyone
Sorry for the long post.
I don't know what to do. And when I think about it, it just makes me cry.
My husband as worked away for the last 9 yrs, I have supported him in all his studies and he is an excellent hubby and father. I can not fault him on anything other than that he works away.
As he does 4 weeks on 4 weeks off. We have two kids 6 & 3. I want to do studies for nursing. I did start the enrolled nursing last yr and competed 6 months. But had to pull out this year due to financial commitments and too much pressure for me with the 2 kids (both were at home last year) and work plus working shift work. I don't have family support around me.
We have decided to sell our house and get out of debt so we can breathe and allow me to study. As we bought our house before kids on great income but we seem to now only be working for the house and have no family time. So we have decided to sell.
The problem is that when we talk about me studying we are both all for it but then the question is how do I manage shift work as a nurse with 2 young kids and hubby work away once finished. I do shift work now and found it difficult and hired an au pair. Which is great but I am tired of having someone else in the house. It's a great help to me but I want my own space back. But it makes me upset that the career choice that I enjoy doing I physically can not do it with my hubby working away and no support. But I don't want to go back to office work I was so depressed and I am trying to get off my anti depressants now. I seem to be the one who is giving up everything for everyone. Yes I am the mother and they seem to be the one to. I want to be happy with a job and want to go to work. Is that too much to expect? Am I wanting to much? Should I just be happy with the kids, hubby and big house and be depressed in a job I hate??
Has there been any nurses that do it without hubby's home. I now there are single mothers out there. Generally the single mothers i know have amazing family support or friend support. I just feel alone and basically have to give up my career choice because I chose the hubby that works away. He is on the sea and can not easily change jobs to land to help.
Help and support and information would be lovely.
Thank you in advance.
6 Replies
Have you looked into family daycare?
Personally I'd suck it up and cope with au pair or find an au pair that you do feel comfortable with. Are there changes you could make to your home so the au pair isn't in the actual house.
Honestly everyone has to make compromises. I don't mean to be a downer but very few people have it all.
Yeah unfortunately you can't have everything perfect in your current situation. So I agree you either need to "suck it up" in regards to having someone live with you or you need to "suck it up" and change jobs and try and enjoy doing something that has hours a bit more realistic. You could hire a night nanny but it's quite expensive, and then put the kids in day care or family day care or occasional care for the hours/days you working during the day? Perhaps there is another mum in the area you could befriend or another single mum you could work out some kind of situation she could help with your kids and you could then take on her kid/s for a day or two free of charge. There are options you just have to put yourself out there and spread the word in the hopes of finding someone to help you. Could you have someone come stay with you 3/4 days a week instead of the whole week so you still have a few days to yourself? Could you work in a nursing home or something similar where you can get better hours then a full fledged nurse?
Maybe you need to talk to your husband about a plan for the future, maybe you could put your dream on hold for a few years then in a couple years he could change jobs and the kids will be older.
Yes you do have to make compromises, even people who seem to have it all sorted have had to. but also be true to yourself, if it isn't what you want, then it just isn't, so keep looking. It doesn't mean give up though. What about being a blood collector or medical assistant so that you do lab work only in daytime office hours. Or hire a nanny you can trust to babysit your night shifts, they'd be mostly free and could do housework too, while you work in your dream job, I think that sounds awesome!
There is an answer, just keep looking until you find it.
Does nursing have to be shift work? Is there a doctor surgery or something that needs someone in the days? My cousin had to give up shift work as a nurse because of a health problem that required her to manage her fatigue a bit better and she ended up becoming a nurse at an IVF clinic. That might be something to consider?
I gave up my career for my husband to follows and continue in his. I hate working my job I do now and really regret giving up my career BUT it has aloud us to buy a house and pay our cars off aswell as be financially stable to have more children. Perhaps one day I will be able to return to my career I so loved but right now the best thing for our family is be staying put. On days that I struggle With going to work I just keep telling myself it's the best thing for my kids
Hi thank you for your response. That was my plan. Unfortunately I just keep seeing my mum so unhappy. Which makes it hard. I grew up with her always upset on hating her job as she allowed her husband my dad to follow and support his career. And after 27 yrs she is still stuck there. Always wanted out of the business never enjoyed herself or her job. She is now 56 and has no energy and aged quickly from too much stress. I fear I will end up like that. Unhappy in my life choices. It is hard for me to try and accept it as I have seen it my whole life of an unhappy mother. I don't want that for my kids.