This is in reply to all you judgemental people who replied to my question about me adjusting to my partners estranged daughter perhaps a little more background info will help you understand.. She took the daughter away to hurt him for leaving her because she's a money hungry control freak a few years into our relationship he had a very bad car accident where he almost died and still she didn't allow access to the daughter until she found out that he come into alot of money and now has bided her time and all of a sudden wants him in their daughters life? We saw a lawyer but without knowing her address the lawyer told us there was not much we could do? I've been through hell and back to be with this man and keep our family together so maybe now you'll understand why I feel the way I do about letting this little girl into our lives! What you all need to remember is that you do not know the full story so why don't you just answer the question asked and if you have no helpful advice jeep your opinion to yourself!
6 Replies
I didn't comment on your original question because I had nothing helpful to add. However, you are asking a question on a public forum so you surely can't be surprised that you get advice that you don't consider relevant. Also, attacking people for "not knowing the full story" is not exactly helpful on your part because it is your fault that they only had the information they did. It is questions like yours and responses that upset people that have made me decide to give up all social media/forums. You asked a question that only you could determine the right answer for you. Instead of attacking people who took time out of their day to offer an opinion (which you asked for), perhaps ask yourself before posting things if it is an appropriate question and if anyone else's opinions is really warranted. Thank you to IM site as in the past you were a great community but goodbye.
I didn't comment on your original post but you have to remember she is a little girl, the mum might be a massive bitch but she is only little and none of it is her fault it is her mothers fault. In saying this you knew your partner had a child from a previous relationship you should accept that and you need to accept his daughter she might be spoiled but she does not know any different. You and your partner need to come up with rules and consequences for when she is in your house she may not like it to start with but she will get used to it especially if the 2 of you are on the same page. You and your partner both need to get to know this little girl together and bring her into your family she is his child after all. This is why I insist my ex gets himself a vasectomy and not have any other children to another woman. I will not have my children who came first be made to feel unwelcome when they are with their dad especially by another woman its gonna be hard for you but understand its also going to be hard for this little girl!
I think the majority of answers were speaking for the girl. Its not what you asked, but it is important to remember that regardless of all the information she is blameless and in a terrible situation and just a little girl to deal with it all.
Its clear youre struggling and i can understand some of your thoughts and feelings, i dont think you shouldbe punished for that, id guess its quite normal, thats why i recommended councelling for you to work through that. Its kind of the same answer, the end goal is to have you get over these ill thoughts and be at peace with having this
Ittle girl in your life so that you can stand up and be the kind, compassionate, loving adult this situation needs for it to work out happily.
As for opinions, people cant help it. You ask about apps they tell you to make kids play outside, you ask about names they tell you dont change it. Itll always happen just filter as you read. All the best with your situation, i hope you work your way through it.
I can understand your hurt. I tend not to look at the Facebook responses because they do tend to get out of hand. I think on this sort of forum it's too easy to react and respond without thinking, I know there was a question once that really made my blood boil, I tried to respond politely but clearly I hadn't given myself enough time and found a way to say what I needed to say politely enough (even though I stand by the points I made). The point is none if us are perfect so yeah we don't always react perfectly to questions. I've also posted a question where responses got out of hand so I do know how it feels to be on the receiving end and actually one of the harshest responses I received was the one I needed to read and helped me the most. So even though the response slammed me and I was insulted at first it was exactly what I needed to hear! You've got to remember we all bring our life experiences with us too and it would be impossible not to think like a step child etc if you have been one. I find the varied points of view help me see different sides of the story.
Doesn't matter what the 'full' story is, it's about the little girl having a healthy happy relationship with her father. You should be supportive & encouraging of that
I'll have you know I have been fully supportive I've welcomed her, been friendly and made her feel comfortable. Going by the way I treat her while she is around me she would never know I'm having these feelings. I would never treat a child badly because I know it's not her fault but doesn't mean I can help these feelings!