Please post anonymous.
I am currently a mum to a beautiful autistic 3 yr old girl. Her father and i split 10months ago due to domestic violence. I have finally met the most amazing man and he has taken on my daughter as his own and treats us with the love and respect we deserve. We have been together almost 5 months now and it feels as if we have never been apart :). He is 31 and i am 23. He wants kids as he is only getting older etc and i want more kids to. So basically what im asking is if it would be to early to consider bringing a new life into the world?
9 Replies
You're only young. You could have babies over the next 10 years and still be good to go, fertility wise. Just my two cents, but I'd put all your energy into your loving relationship and wonderful little girl who sounds like she needs your attention, maybe until she's in school, settled and well adjusted, then give it a go :) All the best & well done for getting out !
Honestly I wouldn't do it yet. Firstly it's a good idea to discuss the risks etc of wether your next child is likely to have autism (my son is also on the spectrum). Once you know the risks and wether you want to go through that I think I'd wait until your 2 years into the relationship. 5 months is definitely NOT long enough to really know someone. You also need to make sure you have educated yourself regarding early warning signs regarding abuse as 5 mths isn't long enough to know if your with an abuser or not and people who have lived with abuse are likely to be desensitised to the early warning signs. In top of that he is only 31 and his sperm won't run out! Your only 23which means you have plenty of time to have more kids once you've been together longer.
Yes, I think it is too early. I accidentally fell pregnant 4 months after I started dating my partner when I was 20 years old. We have now been together nearly 3 years but it has been a lot of hard work and having a baby before we had really got to know each other put a lot of strain on our relationship. We both have tempers and don't always see eye to eye. We haven't had hardly any time to ourselves to date, holiday, sleep in and enjoy each others company alone! In saying that, we love our daughter and wouldn't change her for the world, we just wish the timing could have been better. You should wait until you really know him before you take the next step. You're only young and have plenty of time.
I think the same guys im just getting clucky :) this is my post and yeah i was thinking of waiting until mu daughter is in school and settled :)
I suggest waiting until you and your partner are ready, since it's obvious by your post you are both ready separately.
My fiancé is an amazing, wonderful man, and I don't have any regrets, but we fell pregnant one of the very first times we were intimate together. And, whilst rewarding, it has been the most difficult experiences. Its stressful and heartbreaking, even if it is worth it.
I love my son so much and can't wait for another child, but I know we aren't ready as a couple yet.
Good luck, IM, and if you decide to have another child, do not let the judgement of others effect you!
The guy I was with was wonderful...until I fell pregnant 4 months into the relationship and he turned into an absolute emotionaly and verbally abusive arsehole! One of my friends questioned him and told him he was being a dick! She told him I'd leave him. To which he laughed and responded with 'she won't t leave me. Shes pregnant with my kid. She won't go anywhere.' He thought I was stuck. Well nope I wasnt. A few months after bubs was born I left him and never looked back. I'm not saying this guy would do the same but you dont truly know a person 5 months into a relationship. And lol! It so easy to get clucky especially when your in love
Goodluck with your relationship I hope it all stays wonderful! X
With all these responses, I thought I'd put my experience in which is the complete opposite. I came out of a very unhealthy abusive relationship, and within a month met a man with no plans of anything so soon after a bad relationship. BUT, you can't control the way you feel and it developed into something more. Within a month of meeting we moved in together. There's even more - we each have a child from a previous relationship. So suddenly we were a family of four. We barely knew each other, let alone if it was going to work. We never got sleep ins or time to date, we jumped straight to a mortgage and two kids. Usually that's a ten year period or more for couples to achieve all of that. We just 'knew'. A year and a half later we are all still living under the same roof, we love each other like we've always been together, and we're planning our first baby 'together' next year. Nobody can say it can or can't work, or that it's too soon. Only you know. It worked for us and we got to know each other along the road. We've been through good times and bad but we've made it work. For us it feels natural, we don't have to try. Good luck!
I would honestly wait a while. Move in together if you haven't already done so. Let the honeymoon stage pass and decide whether you are still wanting to expand your family then. I had a baby with someone after we had been together just over a year. Honeymoon period was still there, now honeymoon period is over I find myself questioning if I made the right decision. At the end of the day it is your decision, but i would definitely wait until you are both 100% comfortable with each other so you both show your true selves. Goodluck hope everything works out the way you want it to :)
I think wait
I fell pregnant when I had only known my partner 11 months I thought he was the man of my dreams but in fact he's the one in my nightmares...
I think you need 3 years to really get to know someone..