I'm struggling at the moment with my son's Autism diagnosis. It has been two years since but as he gets older it is becoming more and more obvious that he is so different to his peers. He is at least two years behind in all areas of schooling. I know I shouldn't compare but this is not what I want for him. We have come so far but it still seems we have so long to go.
It is a constant source of overwhelming guilt as a mum.
I was thinking about getting him some extra help with his school work. He won't love it and it couldn't be too long, but I do think that once he sees that he is coping better at school.
Does anyone have any experience with this or could offer some valuable advice? I would move mountains to help him!
Autistic Child
Autistic Child
Posted in:
Aspergers & Autism
4 Replies
Make use of any and all resources and programs offered through the school. Use his interests to plan learning activities for him, making learning a positive thing for him is going to produce far more results than it being a chore he doesn't enjoy, particularly in addition to school. Work with his strengths. I wish you both lots of luck :)
I am the mum who has written this question. Yes, we have an OT and have for a long time. I do take offence to the comment about my tardiness has affected my son in some way. I have worked with children for over fifteen years and all professionals that I went to from the age of three with him sent me away because they believed I was comparing him to all the other children I had worked with. I mentioned that I felt immense guilt over that and how was that comment possibly helping with that?
We have major food issues where I have already tried with food therapy and food re-training all to no avail.
School is amazing, he is exactly where he needs to be and they do all they can. I was simply hoping that someone could help me somehow.
I have 3 children. My youngest is on the spectrum. I still grieve. It is not a matter of comparing, more the fact of grieving about what won't be. My daughter struggles with schoolwork, not helped by her low iQ. We hired a year 12 student that she knows to tutor her in maths. My daughter likes her, they play maths games, and because this is done in our home she is relaxed. We have also had some success using a speech pathologist and a psychologist. She loves dancing and does several dance classes each week. Sending you a hug, you sound like a great mum.
My son also has autism. It took me a while (and I still have bad days) but I think a previous poster is right, its about grieving for the child you planned for. Grieving for your own loss and accepting his path in life is the path meant for both of you. And about your son being different from his peers, you will get to a point (in your life and his) when that is a wonderful attribute - no one ever changed the world by being the same as their peers. I can remember once i got to my upper schooling, when being an individual and unique with my work was encouraged, once i entered the workforce someone who spoke up with ideas for change was 'innovative'. It is only once you get pregnant you want 'normal'. Even starting from that first scan, is everything ok, is everything 'normal'? Once that beautiful baby is born all we want is for them to develop 'normally' - this is societal pressure and noting else, my nuro-typical child didn't walk until 15 months, people would ask why he wasn't walking - because he is not ready yet was my answer. He would walk (and did) when he was good and ready. Once formal schooling starts we strive for 'normal or high-achiever' it is especially hard for us parents to see our kids 'struggle' with the educational system, it is not built to educate the individual, it is built to educate the masses. Those that don't fit the system can get left behind - but know this - it is not your child failing, it is the system failing your child. I know that it is hard, and I know that this life is not what you planned for your beautiful child - but the most important thing you can do is to find what works for him and do it. Try it all. Do it all. If you have an idea, put it into action. Speak with your teacher and school first and foremost would be my suggestion. Tell them exactly what you have written here - "I was thinking about getting him some extra help with his school work" Many teachers I know (myself included) would be happy to make suggestions for you to try things at home by yourself first without having to employ someone, or at least give you some suggestions of games or activities you could help a VCE student run with him - $5 or $10 for half an hour to 'play' with your child, your teacher may even have a suggestion of someone who might be good for the role. If he is at a good school (which is sounds like he is by the way you speak of it) then they will be jumping up and down for you to do more for him at home (not that I am suggesting you do not do things for him already) But by working as a team unit, the school and parent can be a magic winning arrangement. Yes it is harder for our kids. Yes it SUCKS. and YES IT MAKES PARENTING HARDER. but the best thing you can ever do for your child is to LET THAT GRIEF AND DISAPPOINTMENT GO. All he needs is your love, acceptance and to gain an education. And without sounding spiritual (cos I'm really not) He just hasn't found his IT thing yet. No shame in that, most kids I know don't know as a child (infact I don't know any who do) its just our ASD kids struggle to do the mainstream schooling most kids manage while they learn about the world and find out. This has turned into a bit of a rant and I'm sorry if you do not find anything helpful in my post. best of luck