Hi lovely mummas,
I need some advice. Right now I'm really conflicted in my feelings and I'm wanting to get the thoughts from any who have been through this. Our child (3) is currently going through the asd assessment process. At this stage they are saying it's not severe and will be high functioning. Obviously being so young we are hoping to provide as much support as we can through therapy etc.
My question to all you amazing asd families is this. Did you have more children after a diagnosis?
My husband and I are desperate to have more children (we have always wanted a large family) and a sibling for our 3yo, but I'm afraid/ anxious (every emotion right now) that if we have another child, they too will have asd or perhaps even more severe.
Please don't take that the wrong way. I love my 3yo more than anything in the world and would not change a thing. But I can't help but feel torn between whether or not we should have more kids. I feel awful that I'm thinking this way but it's all I can think about. I'm so scared.
Is it selfish to have another child when you know your genetics (in our case, asd is on the dads side) have already given your child so many hurdles to overcome?
Did other mums in the asd community feel this way? Did you have more kids with asd? We wouldn't be having another for at least another year or two so we are not in any rush.
I guess the main reason things are so overwhelming right now is because I don't know what the future will hold with our 3yo. Will our baby live an independent 'typical' life or will they never have the things we all take for granted e.g a job, relationship, kids etc.
I'm educating myself as much as I can, I am completely and utterly exhausted. I suffer chronic anxiety and as I'm already seeing a psychologist I've discussed these issues with her. But what's really important to me is to get the advice from other mums who have been in this situation. What's your view on having more children? We're you scared? Do you think it's selfish to want more?
I would really appreciate your opinion and/ or your story.
1 Replies
I am a mum with a grown up ASD son and I also work in early intervention and are active in the community. I made the decision to stop at my one. I love my son with EVERYTHING I have. The issues that I see is I do know a lot of families that have multiples on the spectrum (although Im not familiar with the percentages so its best to consult with a geneticist). They all have very different needs, challenges, talents and personalities leaving the families stretched extremely thin financially, time wise and emotionally. Most of our kids wether high functioning or not don't stop needing extra support when they hit school wether that's psychologists, paediatrcians, OT, speech, tutoring, ABA or a combo even if they are high functioning and the funding is burnt through very quickly so you have to be prepared to dig into your own pockets and perhaps fundraise etc depending on your financial position and depending on where you live (if your in a rural area) it can sometimes mean moving to where you can get the best services.
I had always imagined myself having 3 kids and in the early days I was very keen to have more kids, but I realised I actually financially I could not afford another child wether ASD or neuro-typical especially if I wanted to give my first child the absolute best chance of reaching his potential (living as independently as possible and working or at least looking after himself as much as possible). Paying private therapists were just not an option with another child so would have meant long waiting lists etc.
I know that sounds all doom and gloom and Im sorry for that, and yeah I grieved for what I had imagined my life to be for awhile but now I am probably the happiest person you could meet. People always comment how happy I am and positive and I am truly truly proud of my son and how happy he is and I have no regrets about my decision.
My advice don't make any decisions YET. Take your time. Consult a geneticist, talk to your psychologist, go through the roller coaster ride that is a new diagnosis and get your son the therapies (which can be a full time job in itself, as 20 hrs of therapy a week is what the federal government review of research recomends). You'll have a much better idea about what your family can cope with and what needs your son will have in the future and what the percentages are on another child.