I am a single Mum who works full time as a teacher at high school. My daughter is six years old and in grade one this year. She is an only child but I make sure she's involved in activities outside if school such as athletics, tennis, swimming, etc.
She is a great kid, very affectionate, social, smart, inquisitive. Everything you could want in a child. However...
The problem is me. I have real trouble managing her defiant behaviour. She's great until I ask her to do something.
She yells at me, she refuses to do simple things (hang up a towel, get dressed), she basically tries to be the boss and to browbeat me.
I'm great with the love, but really struggle enforcing my boundaries. I have clear boundaries, but I can't seem to find a consequence that she will respond to.
I've tried time outs, sending her to her room, banning electronics, smacking (when she goes over the top and loses her temper and starts trying to kick a hole in the wall), taking away toys. No discipline that I have tried works with her. She is SO stubborn, rude and she back chats whenever I ask her to do something.
For the positive reinforcements, we set small goals (do three jobs in the house and then go to the pool). We have used reward charts, sticker charts, cuddles and story time.
I need help because she keeps pushing and pushing and pushing and between my daughter and my job, I'm completely stressed out by her bad behaviour.
I have high expectations of my daughter, but need help with discipline. What has worked for you with a particularly precocious child?
3 Replies
Stop the activities and make her earn them back. It sounds like she is doing way too many for a kid her age and it sounds like she is probably over tired, and your over tired doing all that running around. You are not doing your child any favours by her doing that much stuff and your exhausting yourself in the process so you can't do the basics (which are far more important). Punishment has to be consistent whatever it is. So she knows that if your do x, y happens 100% of the time. No punishment creates long term change immediately, but what it needs to do is to make long term change over time.
Time outs need to be in a boring location with no stimulation (so bedrooms don't work if they are full of toys). It should last her age+ 1 minute so if she is 6 it should last 7 minutes. It doesn't matter if she kicks screams whatever, follow through and she will get over it once she gets the idea. Kids who haven't had consistent discipline do chuck more wobblies when they are disciplined because they are not used to it, so they deal with it the only way they know how and the way that upsets their parents the most in the hopes that mum will give in.
Follow through with your expectations 100% of the time and she will realise you wont back down and she will get the idea its faster to just do as your asked.
Our son was the same no matter what punishment it did not bother him so we started to get him to write stories related to the event and what he could have done differently which has really worked for us! Good luck with your daughter!
Let me guess, she's great for her teachers?! That's my 6yo daughter's story anyway. I find that if I point that out - by asking her "would you speak that way to your teacher?" - it opens up a conversation about why she's so rude to the person she loves the most. The other thing I say that seems to get her attention is that the parents are the boss, no matter what, and that's just the way it is - I'm the mum, you're the child, end of story. It hasn't turned her into an angel overnight but things are quicker to turn nice again when she has one of those awful moments. Good luck (to us all lol) xo