Hi ladies, I need your help! I know this is all going to sound crazy, I know I'm going to contradict myself but please bear with me. I'm quite an introspective person and lately I've been doing some thinking and I don't know how to deal with it. Please try to keep your comments kind, I'm already struggling.
My mother is narcissistic, I cut contact with her almost 18 months ago after her behaviour came to light (lots of manipulation and lies). Now I'm worried that I'm like my mother and am also narcissistic, which scares the crap out of me because she almost destroyed my family, she hurt the people she loves and I don't want to be like that. I feel like I'm narcissistic because although I'm not overly confident (I'm actually pretty shy) I do love attention to be on me. I can also be incredibly judgemental. Not as in I judge people based on their race, colour, religion etc, I don't do that. But I do find myself judging people if I feel like I'm better than them (I know that sounds absolutely horrible). I am never nasty to them but my thoughts aren't nice. I also can be incredibly selfish and single minded, and I find it way too easy to tell "white lies" to get what I want. One of my biggest fears in life is appearing weak or vulnerable in public. It doesn't bother me alone with my husband but the fear of publicly failing something terrifies me. I also see the world very black and white and can at times not be very empathetic. For example when I see things about poverty in developing nations I have the attitude of "well that's what happens when the world is so overpopulated". I feel like a monster for even caring so little about others. I know I'm not a completely bad person, there are good points. I can be very giving and generous, I love my family more than life, I believe I am a good loyal friend. I would never intentionally hurt anyone but then I have these selfish thoughts and it just kills me.
I don't know what to do. I know this sounds crazy because narcissistic people supposedly don't change because they never see that they have s problem. So here I am. What is wrong with me? And how do I change if it's a part of who I am?
7 Replies
For what it's worth, I don't think a true narcissist would be capable of even asking the question. We are all narcissistic to a degree. It's part of being human. If you feel your narcissistic traits are too pronounced then you have awareness and can work on your behavior. It's the ones who crash through life oblivious and uncaring that are the problem.
I agree with the above comment.. I dont think you are a narcissist! If it gets to the point you realise you are hurting others around and its affecting your life then maybe its time to look at why? A true narcissist is quite deep. I can say if you need to chat to a professional speak with your dr about making use of the free 10 sessions with a counselor or phychologist. But its important they are knowledgeable in this area. I think maybe your just abit narrow minded or abit judemental. Which is fine but just like above dont take it out on others to make yourself feel better.
Nope you are not narcissistic. You are a normal person with positive personality traits and flaws. We all have flaws. Doesn't mean you can't work on those. The fact you acknowledge you have some flaws would mean you aren't narcissistic, you are normal!
You show pretty good self reflection, and that you care at all is good I rekon! Id guess you were probably raised pretty coldly from your mum and that may be a reason you have those cold harsh thoughts, also it may be why you feel everyone else is so much Softer, and probably why you see that as such a really awful trait.
It's nice to try to be conscientious& kind and improve yourself, I think it's in your actions; when you see that you're hurting, using , conning, lying and hurting people then youre in dangerous ground.
No your not a narcissist, a true narcissist believes that they are never wrong and everyone else is. What you have inherited is learned behaviours from your mum however you can change these with self awareness and determination you CAN change these behaviours. See a psychologist they can really assist you with this and help you understand the reasons why. A narcissistic parent naturally turns their children to be very judgemental and competitive aswell as never really being happy with achievements. There's a book called the happiness trap it's a great read and helped put a lot of things in perspective as I'm going through the same as yourself.
Yes a child of a narcissist can become a narcissist themselves, however the fact u are concerned and are legitimately worried you might be means your probably not. narcissist lack the ability to see that their behaviour is a problem like you said......
Went through similar situation with my mother. I'm not a narcissist but I think one of my siblings may be.
My mother is a narcissist and as far as a narcissist is concerned they can do no wrong so there is NO WAY you're a narcissist...
Growing up with a narcissistic mother (NM) though usually attracts what's called 'fleas' and they are some narcissistic traits that rub off on you due to your upbringing...
I run a group here on FB called 'Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers Support Group' where we discuss all issues of having an NM... It's a closed group where women speak about the issues they have had and are currently having and are validated by others who have experienced the same or similar things...
We discuss how to correct our thought processes too... Some ladies are no contact, others are low contact and others are in contact with their NM...
I've found these groups very helpful however seeing a therapist is very beneficial in this phase of awareness...