My mum has been friends with this man for the past 11 years. They meet when my sister and his daughter started kindergarten together. So i have known him for a long time too.
I am single and have had a lot of issues with men over the years with assault and just down right horrible to me. I split with my long term partner when i found out i was pregnant at the start of the year because i was in a DV relationship and didn't want my baby growing up in a DV situation like i did.
Anyway this friend of mum's pops over a lot to drop his daughter off and as soon as he is in the door he is touching my belly before i can even say no. I some times am able to stop him by saying the baby isn't moving today. He is so invasive at times. He walked into my nursery one day and started saying he is so excited and how he is going to take her for walks and take her shoping in the pram. And that he will pop over to help me when mum is at work to change her and put her to sleep. Its almost like he thinks this baby is his in a way like the father. But i don't want a man around while i am breastfeeding and i certainly don't want anyone changing my daughter but me.
The other week he messaged me asking how me and the baby were and he bets there is alot of movements now since i am almost due. When i told him there was he told me he has to come over and feel her kicking with lots of smily faces after it. When i didn't reply he tells me that the past 9 months have gone so quick for him and that he is super excited. He then asked when i am due. I never replyed to any of this and he has asked 2 more times over the week when i am due. He has told me many of times that i must call him when i am in labour. I just thought he would know what he is saying and doing isn't very appropriate.
He is making me so uncomfortable, but is this because i have had a bad time with men and I just feel uncomfortable around all of them now.
To top it all off he use to work for some one i am close to in a child care center and he just lost his job for sitting the girls on his lap doing their hair and drawing them pictures and always the same girls.
I don't know of this is me being paranoid that he could halm my daughter but i just get that vibe about him. I don't know how to tell him that after all this i don't want him to ever touch my daughter even with me being around. He is making me so uncomfortable and i don't know what to say to him. I have told my mum this and i have told her that i don't want him touching my baby no matter what even if she has to duck out of the room for a few seconds.
Am i just being paranoid
Am i just being paranoid
Posted in:
Behaviour
6 Replies
?weirdo !
I don't think he is a peadophile but it is obvious he has a lot of issues with boundaries. I have an ex friend like this.
It's definitely right that you should distance yourself totally. Because this guy doesn't understand he is making you uncomfortable and he has misread how close you are. Don't reply to texts and don't make play date arrangements.
If I were you, I would always keep that guard up but also keep in mind that this person has known you a long time, and it isn't a crime for a man to be excited about a baby, he probably sees you as a daughter figure and might be feeling grandparent-ie about this bubba, but just keep your guard up and see how it goes when bubba gets here if he is too much then let him know you need time to get into a routine ect and need some space- btw in both my pregnancies I had soooo many people including a lot of strangers rubbing my belly no matter where I was or what I was doing so it's pretty normal
Not being paranoid, he has no boundaries. It doesn't matter if it's him or you anyway, the point is you feel uncomfortable (no wonder!!) I think nows a great time to set firm boundaries. Otherwise it sounds like he will be changing and walking baby and hanging out while you're breastfeeding just because he hammers you down long enough.
Set firm boundaries and don't Apologise. This is your life and your baby and he's not respecting that. He's using manipulation to cross lines and he's probably aware that he's doing it, so yes I'd worry about his deeper motives too.
Push him away, set your boundaries clearly. If he doesn't like it, that's probably better for you actually.
Remember how strong you are. You left a dv situation for your baby. Now you're getting bad feelings about this man, he's been let go for inappropriate behaviour ( very concerning) stand strong again for your baby. Don't resist because he's creating the illusion that youre close and truste, making it hard for you. It really sounds to me like he's preying on you and using his position in the situation to wear you down and make you feel like you can't say no.
Just start being very cold and rude to him. Always listen to your insticts. You don't owe the guy anything. Better to be safe than sorry. Can you trust your Mum will set the same boundaries should he ever be around if she baby sits? If not, I wouldn't leave bub with her either unless you know he's DEFINITELY not going to be there. I have a family member who I have very similar feelings about and I don't let my Mum babysit at her house because she doesn't respect my strong objection to him and she'll more than likely let him bath my kids just to prove a point.
Unsure. It could be you or how society is conditioned to treat men who behave like any excited step mum, mil, or child care employee would. Its hard as for women like myself who has been abused and had amazing non sexually abusive male role models who did hair, played dolls and were as fun a a cool aunt to decide which is which. Only you can decide as we all reply based on out own views and they may not be fair or right judgement of this man